Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated

Lyrics to this title provided by the one and only, Avril Lavigne. (Not that I really like her, just seems like a fitting title)

So life is complicated. Balancing school, work, religion, friends, relationships etc. There is a lot on the plate of a college student and it doesn't seem like it gets less complicated as life goes on. Today the complications I'm talking about are relationships. Vince Vaughn knows all too well the complications of relationships and dating. Now first, my disclaimer is that I have never actually been in an exclusive relationship with any one girl. However, recently there was a girl that seemed like she was worth the extra effort to try and date exclusively.

Now obviously this girl wasn't a run-of-the mill girl and for that I was more than just interested. We started talking, hung out a few times, went on a few dates, all the while I was thinking she wasn't that into me and we were basically just friends. (who hooked up every now and again) Little did I know she really was more into me than I thought.

One day she calls me up to get ice cream. (out of the ordinary for her, she's a bit of a texter.) Well we go to get some ice cream, and by this time I'm feeling like its time to tell her the timing isn't right, I'm not feeling it and I don't think she is either; this ice cream time will be the perfect opportunity. Well she comes at me with the "steve, the way you act is too confusing, I can't get a read on you and that scares me. I like you but can never tell what you think, so I think we need to stay just friends." Even tho this is the end result I was expecting, it threw me for a loop. Looking back I can see how I didn't show much interest and confused her. Guys: here is a list of "don'ts" for you next time you are trying to play it cool with a girl.

1-Don't play too hard to get.
2-Don't make the only date you ask her on to be watching your nephew on valentine's day
3-Don't let her make the first move on asking you out
4-Don't sell yourself short, if she has hung around for more than a week after your first "date"... there's something there.
5-Don't let her ask you out on more dates than you've asked her out on

Hope this is helpful fellas; don't over complicate things, if you like her, let her know! As for me, I'm still in the game, kinda on an "E streak" right now if you've ever read my buddies blog. Haven't found another that I've decided to take to the next level, but the game is fun!

Run-ins...

If you know me, you know I'm not scared to speak my mind. Recently I have gotten in a few "run-ins" as a result. So this story I will tell like Dane Cook's "At the Wall" In other words, let's Tarantino this...start with the ending and figure out why it happened. Let's begin this journey.

So a little history first, Elenor (not her real name but it will do for now) is infamous in the school of business as SUU for kissing up to professor, making irrelevant comments during class, making her opinion known regardless of time constraints, and without considering the fact no one else cares even a little bit. This semester I have had the misfortune of having a class with her again, a class which is based on class discussion. We had a little run in earlier this year when she tried to rip on Utah for having the culture of getting married and starting a family young. I promptly told her that if she has a problem with Utah and it's culture, she doesn't have to live here. (Remember that last piece of information, it will be key later in my story.)

Ok so now that you have a little history here goes...a couple weeks ago I had a run-in with her. It ended with the phrase "you a#$hole, wanna take this outside!?!" Now, let's go back. Figure it out.

We were starting class on a random tangent. Our MANAGEMENT teacher, started talking about the business school's secretary dilation (the secretary is pregnant and apparently a good friend of the teacher, looks like she is about to pop). Well because those things gross me out, I interjected by saying "I'm not really comfortable talking about that, it grosses me out." And the professor, a classy guy, says "fair enough...onto the lecture" At this point I'm relieved. I don't have to hear about female anatomy anymore, or try and figure out how I will ever look the secretary in the eye again after hearing that stuff. Well just as I'm about to relax, Elenor turns around (like a true brown-noser she sits front and center) and says "I thought you were all gun-ho about getting married and having kids." At first I thought "is this her feeble attempt to save face due to the last burning I gave her?" I figured it was, so without thinking I come back with "Elenor, I don't know why you talk to me, you never have anything intelligent to say to me." Now she's pissed.

"You a#$hole! Wanna take this outside!?!" Is all she could muster, first I thought "is she really challenging me to a fight? Does she realize how insane and red-neck she sounds? What kind of jackass would fight a girl? My only response however was "that makes no sense, why would I ever fight a girl? Grow up Elenor." As anyone knows, being told "grow up" doesn't sit well with anyone, and Elenor was no exception. She packed up her bags and stormed out of the class. (keep in mind this all happened in the first 4 minutes of class)

As I watched her storm off like a 2-year old, my only thought was "wow, Walter Cannon was right, all she wanted to do was fight, then flight. Gotta be a red-neck" Next step, figure out how to finish out the semester without her coming at me swinging.

ready...BREAK!

As many of you know, spring break is a time to cut loose, get away from school, and enjoy life somewhere warm. (California, Vegas, Arizona, etc.) Cedar city-ites especially enjoy the warm part. Well during spring break the normal rules of life might not apply. Rules such as the social hierarchy of dating, go to bed on time, brush your teeth, floss, you get the idea.

Well over this past spring break, and others in the past I have developed, with the help of a few friends, a spring break list of rules. If you have ever had a spring break, you know this list will be short.

Rule #1- Remember your toothbrush. If you forget it, you'll regret it.
Rule #2- Make sure you have a wingman, he will be essential.
Rule #3- Jazz games are always better when you and your buddies make the jumbotron.
Rule #4- Wear high tops if you are going to play tip-in in the backyard.
Rule #5- It's ok to settle, as long as it's only once. Just know the silent cowboy will still be disappointed in you
Rule #6- Longboards make the trip better

Rule #7- Make sure if you are driving for a while, you have a good selection of music
Rule #8- Make your own fun, don't worry too much about consequences
Rule #9- Crazy stories last forever, and turn into memories.You'll never remember what is cost.
Rule #10- If it's your birthday during spring break, make sure people know, they will buy you stuff and give you permanent shotgun.

So there you have it, the rules of spring break, if you have rules that you wanna add let me know.

Are You Hungry?

Hell Yes!!!!!!

Tutoring

If you are ever in the third floor of the library around noon, you probably have seen me tutoring people. I'm not doing it out of the kindness of my heart, I get paid by SUU to do it and I have one student right now who may in fact be retarded.

Now I tutored this person last semester, and she was still just as retarded. At the end of the semester I thought I was home free, no luck. She specifically requested me to tutor her again this semester. My only question was...why? Why was I the unlucky one and how could I get out of this? I started thinking of excuses, I'm going to be in the hospital on the days she needed tutoring? I was getting married? I'm allergic to idiots? Nothing seemed believable. Now before I continue I just need to paint a picture of this person: She is a dance major, is maybe a 5 out of 10 on the hotness scale, (but thinks she's like a 12) and always tries to find out if I'm dating someone or not. All I ever wanna say is "Really? Do you honestly think I want to share all of my personal life with someone I see for 3 hours a week?"

This person, (we will call her lisa) has an IQ of somewhere between a house plant and a rock. Lisa is figuring out ratios right now. For example: "if I pay 6 dollars for 12 muffins, how much does each muffin cost?" This is a direct quote from their book so you can see how retarded this math is to begin with. How she made it past high school with this incompetency in math will forever be a mystery. Now Lisa could not figure out how much each muffin cost. So I tried to simplify it, the following conversation ensued:

Me: "if you pay 6 dollars for 6 muffins, how much does each muffin cost?"
Lisa: "1 dollar each."
Me: Good, now try the original problem
Lisa: What original problem?
Me: The one in your book
Lisa: Which one?
Me: (pointing to the problem) the one you JUST read
Lisa: Oh, I thought you were talking about something else.
Me: That's ok, just try to figure it out just like before.
Lisa: But it's hard, and I don't like story problems, could you just do it for me? (in the girly, try to get someone to do something for you voice)
Me: Not a chance.
Lisa: Ok, 6 dollars...12 muffins...2 dollars a muffin?
Me: close, but no, you have your method backwards
Lisa: Ok (smiling) 6 dollars...12 muffins...4 dollars a muffin?

To cut the story short...she couldn't get it. So I tried explaining it another way. Still couldn't get it. Now if you are familiar with the 3rd floor you know that people can hear you from any part of the floor if you talk in a normal voice. Well people were starting to snicker, I was starting to get frustrated, and Lisa thought this was the funniest thing ever. I ended up just skipping the problem, told her to ask her teacher and packed up my things.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy helping people, but just as a final way to show you my extreme distaste in tutoring this girl...I would rather listen to Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" for 24 straight hours or hang out with this guy in the woods for a week than tutor this girl.

What? You haven't heard?

The other night I was at the SUU girls gymnastics meet. Now if you have ever been to their meets before, they have a tradition during transitioning from beam to floor exercise to shout..."SOUTHERN" in hopes the crowd shouts back "UTAH." (repeat 3 times) Now not that I'm against organized cheers, but this one I hate. For one reason. The shrill, obnoxious, high-pitch sound the emanates from those girls makes me cringe, gag, and want to throw something heavy, sticky, or slimy at them. I hate this sound. Now everyone has a sound that makes them less happy, or in Dane Cook's case, it makes him wanna punch a baby. So now you know, you're not alone, everyone has a sound that they hate. Let's hear yours...regular can a baccer says you...? No says I.

I'd love to but...

When was the last time you saw a girl that you haven't run into for a while, and she asks "how come we never hang out?" or "Why haven't I seen you lately?" And you are thinking in the back of your mind "maybe I should humor her cuz she is sort of cute and I still haven't hooked up with her yet.." Well then you just say something stupid or agree with her that you should get together this weekend. No big deal right? Until the weekend when your buddies are all hanging out and each one has a girl. Then next thing you know you are hitting her up to see if she can hang. Wrong. You get a text back that let's you know it's a "girls night"...

Now correct me if I'm wrong ladies, but my understanding is a girls night happens when a bunch of friends just want to hang out with each other and be counter productive. Like talking about hair, clothes, nails, boys (which ones they like, which ones they don't) and other girly crap. Let's be real. Why does this "night" exist? Most girls I know complain that they don't get asked out on dates enough, then when they do, they are having a girls night.

Now as a man, basically we rule the world. Men are just more awesome. If you don't believe me, just ask Tosh.O So now men, my question is, can we abolish or outlaw "girls night?" or should we just make our own night, guys night would be the most obvious choice for a name, but maybe something more awesome. If you have any suggestions post them in the comment section. Then girls can see how retarded it is to not hang with the opposite sex. But our nights will be much better. Midnight basketball, colorado-ing, all-night jam sessions on rock band, and the list goes on... And remember, don't go ninj'in nobody that don't need ninj'in