an idiots guide at surviving an apocolypse

1. Trust robots with plants

2. Keep an eye out for asteroids the size of Texas.

 





3. Don't hang out with Obama.

 

4. Find the crazy guy and send him on a suicide mission.

 

5. Sporadically place glasses of water throughout the house, mount a baseball bat on the wall in a convenient location, and await further instructions from Mel Gibson.

 

6. Listen for Will Smith's voice on the radio.

7. Keep a grenade stashed away in a dresser. Use it when you see a butterfly.

 

8. Go to China and stowaway on a modern day version of Noah's Ark because you won't be safe in a hut on top of the Himalayas.

 

9. If an earthquake happens, run away from it.

 

  

that just happened...

Have you ever gotten out of ticket? Flown past a cop car without him pulling you over? Outran the po po and escaped a ticket? I have, and because of such, I feel like I should tell the world (all 5 people that read my blog).

So today I drove down to Phoenix where I will be spending the summer in an internship. Anyways, I was driving through Kanab and a white truck was going like 65 in front of me. Being the speeder that I am I just passed him in the oncoming traffic lane only to see a giant "Sherrif" decal on the side of his truck. All I could think was "oh crap, now my insurance is gonna go WAY up" but to my surprise this gentleman and scholar didn't do anything. I think he understood that I'm a great driver and that a ticket would be unnecessary and unpleasant for the both of us.

Last week, driving to cedar from mesquite, I was doing about 90 in a 65, a cop spots me, (heading in the opposite direction of me) slams on his brakes, turns around and starts heading my way. I had 2 options, 1: pull over to the side of the road, or 2: hit the gas, and bail out the exit 1/2 mile away. I chose option 2. Best choice of the day, he didn't see me get off and by the time he found me on the frontage road it was impossible for him to catch me. Muahahahahaha!

This "E streak" I've got going is great. I'm gonna ride it out as long as possible. Hopefully it lasts all summer so I can wear my chain and my turtleneck sweater.

keep it on the low...

Have you ever had a great friend? Someone that you were close to, would talk to/hang with all the time? Then one day you don't really talk to them. The next thing you know you haven't seen em in a week. So you call em up and they just say they've been busy. Well a few more weeks go by and then you realize you hardly ever see this person anymore. Well one day they call you up and wanna chill. You are thinking "back to the good ol' days." wrong. This only last until their next "secret" girlfriend comes along.

That's right, I said secret girlfriend. We all know guys would much rather hang with a girl they are into than hang with some dudes and do nothing. However, most guys know that they don't wanna let everyone in their crew know that they have a girl right off the bat. That could be bad luck. People could blow it out of proportion. Someone could start a rumor that gets back to "her" and then the whole operation is ruined! Better to just keep it quiet, go about your business, and if it leads to something more than just some hangouts and maybe a makeout, then let the guys know...but on your own terms. To the fellas in the herd that have done this EXACT thing, (cracker, burkalicious, silent cowboy, myself) I salute you. Just don't forget; you can always come back into the fold if things don't pan out...

has spring sprung?

Cedar City Utah, the land where dreams of summer go to die. May 15 2010 Mother nature blessed Cedar with snow. MAY FIFTEENTH!!! Are you kidding me? Well as a Cedar City veteran, I know better than to pack away the winter clothes just yet. You see, here in Cedar it can be 85 one day, and the next have a northern wind come in that makes you feel like a little duckling. And that night you better believe Jack Frost will be paying us a visit. June 21 marks the "summer soltice" or as the less-educated (meaning you haven't looked it up on google like I just did) would know it...first day of summer. I believe that the weatherman made a pact with our mother (nature) that after this day it was illegal to make it snow. But everyday before that is fair game in our fine metropolis of Cedar City. So kiddies, don't drink the kool-aid. Spring may have sprung, punxsutawney phil said it has, I hope it has, but until June 21, the winter coat will be on-call.

hoarding 101

Hoarding: Buried Alive-the title of the hoarding show on Discovery Channel. This past semester I have had directTV in my house, and as a result, I tend to waste precious hours of my life watching things that have no value. Granted watching LBJ throw down or the Mariners lose game after game is great, sometimes I wish I didn't have TV so I didn't waste as much time with ridiculous shows about digging for gold or making choppers. With that said, my roommate loves this hoarding show. Everytime it's on, (which seems like all day everyday) he is watching it. In case you've never seen it, it's about people that collect crap, junk, etc and don't have the heart to throw it away so they end up with the dirtiest house and a terrible quality of life. Then discovery channel goes in and tries to help them get rid of all that shiz.

Well the reason I mention this is because my roommate is in fact...a hoarder. And I think he gets pointers on how to hoard and keep it discreet from this show. He himself however, is oblivious. He says constantly "I'm so glad I'm not a hoarder, that lifestyle would suck!" If only he knew. Now if he had his own room his hoarding wouldn't be a problem, he could just keep it all in his room, however, since I share a room with him, it's a problem.

Now my roommate (heretofore mentioned as Jerome) loves blankets and bedsheets. I think he has 35 blankets and an uncountable amount of bedsheets (of which he has used on one set of sheets for his bed the ENTIRE semester, which is disgusting in and of itself). From really cool ones that are good to cuddle with, to the really gross ones that I think are manufactured to include smallpox. It takes up the entire top shelf of our closet, a hall closet, and half of the closet in the bathroom. It's crazy! Now Jerome is a great person, but when his blankets use up 1/3 of the room, and then we are left with another 2/3 to divide up for the rest of our stuff, guess what that equals for me...yep for you math whiz's out there, I end up with 1/3 of a room. I keep waiting for the day when it hits him "hey, I'm a lot like these people on this hoarding show I love so much! I should probably get rid of some of the useless crap I have!" Until that day, I will keep waiting and secretly throwing away Jerome's stuff without his knowledge. Let's hope I don't get buried alive