i'm not going to wear the freaking gown...

Yesterday I had a physical. The nurse told me to change out of my street clothes and get into a gown. I asked her why, and she said "it easier for the doctor" Now if you know me you know I think being naked is kinda funny. But in this moment I was thinking, "how is this easier than me dropping my pants for 2 seconds?"  Usually I don't mind being naked, but only in the right settings. and the doctor's office is NOT the right settings. Is more of an awkward, uncomfortable, I hate this, setting. So when she left, I was looking at the gown, and decided, "I'm not going to wear that freaking gown." Here were my reasons...

1- I'm not over 40 so I didn't need a prostate check-up
2- I wasn't wearing a leotard so getting my pants down for a 2-second check of my boys wouldn't be a problem
3-I wasn't going to be in that office for more than 10 minutes anyways.

 Guess what, I never put that gown on, and the doctor had no problem, all he did was ask me to drop my shorts for 2 seconds. wow. that was easy. I started looking around for a staples button to click...

So that got me thinking, how many times do we get told to do something that makes NO sense. Something we could do another way, faster, and with greater ease? Like math...how many stupid process did your teacher tell you that you had to learn and you never ended up using them again? Learning the times tables? please. I use a cell phone.

its just not the same

I read an article on espn.com today that talked about how Eli Manning recently said on a radio show that he considers himself in the same "class" with Tom Brady. I understand why he would say it but anyone with half a brain that follows the NFL even casually would never agree with this.

Brady's I would put in the same class as Eli Manning:

Wayne Brady
Any one of the Brady bunch members
Brady Quinn
Brady Green (Tyra Banks' stalker)
The Brady the was just born while you were reading this...

but NOT Tom Brady.

I see it like this; Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, And Drew Brees are living in the penthouse suite at the top of the skyscraper. Then about 6 floors down from there is where the rest of the quarterbacks could potentially be. QB's like Ben Roethlisberger and Michael Vick. People that are still leaders but not even in the same zip code as Manning or Brady.

The floor just beneath here would be people like Matt Schaub, Kevin Kolb, Matt Ryan, Alex Smith etc. Also good leaders, not proven winners tho. But still better than the average QB in the league.

Then on the ground floor you have people like Eli Manning, and Mark Sanchez. The ones that think they are stars, but really aren't and don't have the leadership qualities to make them an elite QB. Tony Romo would be on this floor as well. Also, don't argue that Eli has a championship. The Giants defense should be the only one's who received a ring from the 07' Super Bowl win.

In the basement: Jamarcus Russell, Vince Young. No explanation needed.

random check?

This summer I've traveled a couple times by myself on an airplane. When you are traveling by yourself and waiting in the security-check line there is really only 2 things to do. 1) check out the cuties around you or 2) watch the security's random checks. Well usually in about 5 minutes I've successfully located all girls worth a second glance, and realized that I'm never going to do anything more than look. So my attention turns to the random searches relatively quick.

Turns out, these searches aren't that random. Most checks I've seen are Middle Eastern/Indian (not native americans) people. Do I disagree with this? No, history tells us that more likely than not, the next significant terrorist attack on the U.S. will be a Middle Eastern radical. To most of you, this isn't that shocking. What I did find rather interesting was the amount of decently attractive white girls that were being searched.

Apparently so many women have been hiding things in their boobs that the TSA has deemed it necessary to feel up the cleavage, and even side boob. Yesterday morning, on my way back from a family reunion, a girl in her early 30's with an obvious boob job was "randomly" selected by a young TSA male agent. Well he was denied access by the woman and therefore a young lady TSA agent (who was decently cute) was tasked with performing the check. Time, and the security line, stood still as every male in the area stopped to watch Miss Boob Job get felt up by another pretty girl. Turns out...she was clean. PHEW! No bombs, no knives, not even a nail file in those things. I'm sure everyone in the airport was relieved knowing that this potential porn star wasn't a terrorist after all. With that knowledge under my belt, I was able to get my shoes back on and make it to my gate.

So the moral of the story...I don't think there really is one. But if you are lonely, you might try taking a flight soon...

blue-shirted girl

If you have talked to Drew Killpack in the last month or so, you have probably heard about her. If you have been around Drew and I together, you have definitely heard about her. I am of course, talking about the blue-shirted girl. (the title kind of gave this one away.)

About a month ago, Drew was visiting me here in Phoenix AZ. On Friday night we were going to meet up with some girls on mill ave around 10pm. Well it was about 6 and we had time to kill. So after learning how to really have a snowball fight we decided to hit up the Talking Stick Resort Hotel/Casino. Now first I was a little uneasy because it was on and Indian Reservation, and it was night time. (Skin walkers?) Next, I haven't gambled in years, so I didn't know what I was going to do other than watch Drew lose money.

So Drew hit the blackjack table, I watched, and in about 10 minutes he had lost nearly $100 bucks (which he had won earlier from another casino) So, with our tails between our legs we left the casino to see where our next adventure would be. Just as we were leaving a hot little brunette wearing a blue shirt walks thru the front doors, and as Drew so kindly puts it, I "waived to her like an idiot" and she waved back. Now just as we were getting back to the car, I suggest we should go talk to this girl in the blue shirt. He gives in and we go back to the casino to look for her.

Now we never did find her, I'm still not 100% sure if she was real or an apparition. Either way, she lured us back into the casino, and while we were looking for her Drew saw a Blackjack table that he liked. So we sat down, and ended up winning all his money back plus some! I even got courage and played a few hands and ended up winning $30 bucks! We owe it all to the blue-shirted girl.

Fast forward to the next day. We were hungry,  so we hit up the pizza hut by my house. They said that it would take about 15 minutes to make the pizza, well it took like 20 minutes, so they gave us a free pizza to thank us for waiting! The blue-shirted girl had struck once again to bring us fortune! Now since that day I haven't had a blue-shirted girl moment. I believe that she only works her magic when you don't expect it and when its just Drew and I. So, blue-shirted girl, if you are out there, we thank you for bringing us much good fortune, if you are a spirit roaming the indian grounds of AZ, thank you, I look forward to your next appearance.

cuddling 101

This post is a collaboration from the brain trust. (Kacen Cox, Drew Killpack, Cory Brown, and Jessica Gerth.

Don't you hate it when you are watching a movie with a girl, and the cuddling doesn't go well. On the other hand, when the cuddling is going great, you can enjoy the movie, each other's company, and maybe even get the million dollar question asked to you "do you have any gum?" which we all know means they are making sure their breath is good for you.

So this post is dedicated to maximizing the enjoyability of cuddling, with some do's and don'ts from both sides of the equation.

First the guys, Kacen made a great point, that there is a "nook" that girls should fit in. This nook is basically the space under your arm when you put your arm around a girls shoulder. All too often when you put your arm around the girl it ends up behind both shoulders and your arm just falls asleep during the movie. Plus you've put her in an uncomfortable position with your arm behind her back so she can't lean back on the couch very well.

Along with the same lines, ladies, you need to be all or nothing when it comes to cuddling. Kacen raised a good point when he said, sometimes the upper-half is great, the girl fits right in the 'nook' but then their legs are going off into the abyss. If you are going to cuddle properly, its a "full-contact" sport. That means use your legs haha. Drew came up with a great phrase "the half straddle" where she puts her leg up on top of yours while she is leaning into you. Ladies, from personal experience this is my very favorite way to cuddle. If you do this already, you are awesome, if you haven't, try it, you and the guy will love it. Trust me.

Next, spooning on a couch never really works out. On a bed, maybe, but a couch, try to avoid it. Here's why, one: usually her head gets in the way and you can't see the movie, and let's be real, the only reason a guy doesn't want to watch the movies is if its a: its one of the twighlight movies, or b: he's kissing the girl instead of watching the movie.

Now, on this lake powell trip we had a few of the girls give their input, and here is what we got. Some don't like if you touch their stomach, especially if you don't know them all that well. It makes them feel self-conscious and they end up trying to suck in the whole movie and can't enjoy it.

The other consensus 'pet peeve' was to make sure that the girl can see. And by see I mean they can easily use both eyes and aren't having to turn their head in a weird position to see whats going on. This is crucial cuz if they can't get comfortable or aren't having a good time, you better believe the most you are going to get at the end of the night is a hug, pat on the arm and a half-hearted "thanks, this was fun."

Now, just a little bit of advice to both parties. If you are going to go eat out somewhere before going back to the house to watch a movie, don't eat at wingers (or any food place that is gonna give you gas) For obvious reasons. If you do, the next 2 hours of your life will be miserable, and if you can't control yourself, it will be miserable for the girl as well.

So there you have it, cuddling 101, obviously there's more to it but this will do...

who didn't invite me? sea horse sea hell!