#alittlebitofadviceforallyouhashtagusersoutthere

Good luck reading that title. I'll bet you spent 5 minutes just trying to figure that out.

By now, most of you have an instagram, twitter, vine, or some other social media platform that use hashtags. However, each one of these is unique in the way that you are expected to use the hashtag.

Instagram - A fun and easy social media site. Apparently there is an unspoken rule that girls are to use a minimum of 3 hashtags per picture. And if its someones birthday, you are required to use no less than 10. Food, at least 5 are needed to get your point across that you are enjoying the food. But the point is, there is not a goal for creativity, originality, or awesomeness in a hashtag. As many as you need.

Twitter - this is the last great social media frontier. A friend of mine said "brevity is a sign of wit." Another friend said "twitter is cool." Both true statements. Twitter only allows 140 characters for expression. So you have to be brief. Meaning, your hashtags must be witty, funny, clever, or non-existent. Not using a hashtag is also a sign of intelligence in this hashtag-saturated world. Twitter? 2 hashtags MAX! There is no reason to go on and on with hashtags. Why? Because you can't. You don't have room; and because twitter is the place for the clever and the brief to express themselves. Moral of the story, one hashtag should be plenty. On a rare circumstance you can include a second, but only if both are epic.

Facebook - hashtags don't work. Stop putting them there.

Vine - don't have one. But from what I can tell, see instagram advice above.

Oh and one more thing, just like my title, hashtags that are too long are obnoxious. Try using CamelCase. #ThenPeopleCanUnderstandWhatYouHashtagIsActuallySaying

valentine's day

Now that the Super Bowl is over, and the Niner's lost to a Murderer, it's time to look forward. It's February, and love is in the air. Or not. I don't really know. But I do know that it's almost Valentine's Day. 

Valentine's Day is a wildcard. The entire spectrum of emotions can come out on this day dedicated to love.  For some, they only celebrate if they are dating someone. For others, like Schmidt, it's the easier day of the year to hook up with someone. This can be painful for those recently broken up, or painful for those recently in a relationship and not sure if they want to celebrate the day of love, yet. Others avoid the topic completely, others have decided to take it upon themselves to make sure all those around them know they are single and "hate" V-day. Translation: they wish they were dating someone. 

Regardless of where you are in life, you are forced to at least be aware that this day exists and it's up to you how you choose to respond to it. 

I have a solution, let's do like we did in elementary school. 10 cent valentines cards for everyone! Why? Because everyone knows those cards come with a "fun size" candy bar, or some sweethearts candies (the white ones always tasted the best) with it. Bring them to class, and automatically, you have 30 new friends, and maybe even some new valentines. Don't forget your valentines box. If you don't bring your box, you won't get any valentines. duh.

So if you don't know how you want to respond to V-day this year, now you know. And don't quit if you don't have love this year. What if Michael Jordan quit when he didn't make the team? He woulda never made Space Jam. And I love Space Jam. Don't forget to check out my new Valentine's-day-related poll. 

superstition

We all know that athletes prepare for hours, and days, and weeks and months for their games. Train at the highest level so that they can perform and win on gameday. However, any die hard fan also knows that none of that matters. It's all about the gameday traditions that us fans do that determine the outcome of every game.

As the superbowl approaches, I have had an entire season of traditions to ensure my Niners win games.

First tradition - 49ers sheets. These sheets can't be switched out for any others all season. If I sleep on other sheets? Niners lose games. I can't have that on my conscious. This guarantees a good rest the night before a game. For me and for the players. Gotta be well rested.

3 days before the game - Niners gear must be worn. Starts with a hat, and gets better as the week goes on.

2 Days before the game - Niners cap, red Niners shirt.

1 Day before the game - Niners cap, gold Niners shirt.

Gameday - Niners cap, red Niners shirt (see 3 days before the game), Niners jersey on top. Black Nike high-tops. (the high-tops tradition started this year, and not every game.)

Rumor has it, the Niners are undefeated when I wear these on gameday

This combination guarantees a victory. Last time I didn't do this? Niners got lit up by the Seahawks. I blame myself for the loss. I tweeted some of the team that I follow to apologize, and vowed to make sure the rest of the season didn't happen that way. Especially in the playoffs.

I would say that these superstitions were crazy, but like the commercial says, it's only crazy if it doesn't work. And this my friends, works.

the game

About a week ago, I was out with some friends in a social setting. The Thunder/Lakers game was on so I wasn't part of the conversation, which happened to be a conversation of gender generalities. (aka "girls always do this" or "guys are always like this") I'm as guilty as anyone about making inaccurate general statements about things, but being an outsider to the conversation made me laugh at how ridiculous we sound sometimes. At one point the conversation turned to games that we play. Not the awesome kind like uno, badminton, or capture the flag either. They were talking about relationship games. This slightly intrigued me so I began eavesdropping.

At one point, someone who was less than amused with the comments said "Can someone even define what these games are?" The dumbfounded group could barely come up with "It's just the stupid games that girls and guys play during a relationship."  So games are just the games that girls and guys play during a relationship. Gotcha.

I decided to shed some light on these "games" by asking around. What I found from personal experience as well as the intelligence of friends is: of course there is a game that must be played. As people, Americans especially, there is a huge breakdown in communication and one can't say everything they want to. (I try all the time, it doesn't work.) As a result, there is a huge game of guessing. And if you can keep the other guessing longer without pushing them away, you have the upper hand. If you have 'verbal throw up,' and tell them everything you are thinking all the time, you might freak them out and push them away. It's a fine line. If you don't cross it, you aren't playing 'games' but if you do? The other party is going to say you are a tease and just play 'games.'

Conclusion: We should just play uno more often and leave the games to the backstreet boys.

the real world = the matrix

We've all heard it. "When you get to the 'real world' ...(fill in the blank)" I just heard this yesterday in church. I got to thinking, when is the real world? My conclusion: it must be part of the matrix. 

When you are in middle school, you definitely aren't in the 'real world' because grades technically don't matter. Come 9th grade, you are in the real world and you need to worry about grades for college. So that could be the real world. Right?

Wrong. All thru high school you hear, "Once you're in the real world, you can't do that." So high school isn't the real world. Relationships aren't real. You can break up and get back together 80 times a year. Nothing matters other than preparing for what's next. College, Tech School, the Real World? Most high school-ers would say that after you graduate from high school, you are in the real world. Could this be? 4 years of preparation, fine-tuning your social skills to get ready for post-graduation life? 

Wrong. You get to college and you still haven't escaped the real world matrix. Granted, life does get more "real" but I have heard time and time again, that graduating and going into the "real world" is scary for most college seniors. But college has to be the real world right? I mean, in high school, if you get caught cheating, you get a slap on the wrist. In college, cheating will land you on the expelled list, and maybe even criminal charges. So that means you are in the real world. Right?

Wrong. According to my commencement speaker, we entered the real world upon graduation. But I'm back in a grad program. Does that mean I am in the "real world" now? Or since I'm back in school I'm not there. When I get my masters do I finally make it out of the real world matrix into the actual real world? I guess only time will tell. I wish Keanu Reeves or Samuel Jackson was here. I think they would be able to help. 

ring in the new year

This is a goal setting help sheet my dad has taught us for years. Normally I only post for comedy, but regarding a new year and making ourselves better, I think that this formula is too good to not share. May your 2013 be excellent and full of greatness! 

Things that help with successful goal setting:

1.      Make your goals attainable.

2.      Write your goals down.

3.      Break your goals into steps.

4.      Read your goals every day.

5.      Do something every day toward achieving your goals!

You may have heard of SMART goals, but there’s a better formula called SMARTEST goals:

Specific—Be specific in what you want to achieve

Measurable—Be sure you can measure the successful achievement of your goals

Action-oriented—Ask how you are going to reach your goal and create a list of steps

Realistic—Set goals that are realistic, but also make you stretch

Timed—Add a start and a finish date for your overall goal with target dates for interim steps

Evaluate—Review your progress regularly and recognize how far you have come

Seek the Spirit—Ask the Lord for help in setting and achieving your goals

Think about your Goals—Don’t just write them down and forget them.  Begin with the end in mind

“For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”  Proverbs 23:7

Enjoy the new year! I'll be back on track and posting again soon! 

technology: changing our future

Everyone has a smart phone. If you don't have a smart phone, you want one. If you have a smart phone, you can't live without it. They have forever changed the way we live and our interactions with everything. Verizon wireless has brought this truth to light. I'm here to analyze these commercials.

This is "Jane." That weird old lady with 27 cats. Except she isn't that weird, or old. And later on you will see she isn't ugly either. 

Minute 0:01 - apparently there is a magazine for cat lovers to read about all things cats on a monthly basis. 

Minute 0:02 - I guess at some point, even after owning a cat sweater and resigning yourself to the life of a "cat lady" you can still become disgusted with your cat fetish and throw your cat magazine away in disgust. Don't give up Jessica Lamereoux and Brittany Ringham, there's still hope!

Minute 0:05 - someone with no knowledge of football or social skills will randomly download the NFL mobile app and become a packers fan

Minute 0:08-0:16 - watching games on a tiny 4.3 inch screen at a hair salon, the hardware store, and a bus makes you more of a fan than going to games or setting apart time to watch the games on a big screen TV. 

Side Note: since when do men go to the salon and get their hair done the same way as women? And of those men, how many of them are avid football fans that will strike up a conversation with a random stranger at such a salon? 

Minute 0:21 - After becoming slightly knowledgeable of relatively easily-research-facts about a single player on the Packers, you will have tons of friends, a whole new wardrobe, your glasses will be gone (along with all of your cat sweaters), you will be reasonably pretty and you will be at a party with Drew Brees on his only Sunday off during the football season. And you won't be paying attention to him, you will still be watching the Packers on a 4.3 inch screen instead of going inside where I'm sure Drew Brees has been watching the game. Oh and "No one will know the game better than you." Research, going to ESPN.com or any other sports site is a waste of time. NFL mobile is all you will ever need.

Another Note: You are focused on a tiny screen instead of meeting one of them most prolific passers of all-time in NFL history and a great human being off the field. Oh, and you will have 3 guys around you also watching on the same 4.3 inch screen you are looking at instead of the 65 inch LED plasma inside the house. 

So there you have it, smart phones have and will forever change our lives. Pro athletes, big screen TV's, and cat sweaters will all fall by the wayside in comparison with that sweet smart phone and your NFL mobile app. Personally, I'm excited about that future.