Monday, October 22, 2012

heck of a season

Wedding season is over. For a few months. Then winter weddings begin. Since graduating from college up until summer 2012, I had been to exactly zero weddings. LA, Mexico, Virginia Beach, and Arizona had something to do with that. However, this summer, I went to a bunch of weddings. Each with varying degrees of awesome-ness. But I've learned some things in these weddings.

One thing that was common in each wedding was this: The wedding hasn't ever, and won't ever, be for the groom in any way. It's all about the bride. At the latest wedding I was at, I made this analogy: The groom is like the king in chess. He is absolutely essential to the game. Without him, you can't play the game. But he doesn't do a whole lot when the game is actually played. There are a lot of moving pieces and he just mostlty sits back and tries not to the get in the way. If he's called on? Sure, he will move, but in a good game, he shouldn't have to move. The real piece to pay attention to is the queen. She has the best moves, everyone loves her, and all other pieces move as the queen sees fit to make her best moves. Pretty indicative of life eh?

Here are some other things I learned from wedding season:

1. Meatballs always taste better at a wedding

2. Friends can show you an awesome side of themselves you or anyone else has never ever seen before

3. Groomsmen get some sweet ties

 Enjoy the offseason everyone!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

breaking rules

Many rules are made to be broken. Black and brown fashion, running red lights, running at the pool, closing your eyes during heads up seven up, running with scissors, this list goes on. But there are some rules you should never break. Because there are severe consequences. Stopping on a railroad track, robbing a bank, telling a girl she looks fat...ever, etc.

There is one rule that has some mixed consequences. The caution tape rule. If you've ever seen a police TV drama, if there is caution tape, no one pays attention it. You can have as much "police line: do not enter tape"  as you want, but the 10 year old kid next door, the old man down the street, and anyone who has any sort of relationship to the area being taped off, WILL cross that line. It's in the movies duh, and everything in the movies is true.

I learned this past week that when the University of Utah puts out this caution tape, they mean business. Not because the taped off areas are overly dangerous, just that they put a spell on the area that makes people become morons. I was walking by some steps that had the caution tape around them, and I proceeded to watch 2 people simultaneously fall down the steps. It was scary, then when I could ensure they were ok, I laughed my head off.

Later that day I went into the bathroom, and a stall was taped off. Let's get one thing straight, if I see caution on a bathroom, I immediately know to stay away. Most likely its going to be a war-zone comparable to Afghanistan in there. One person was much braver than I. Well he made a huge mistake. As I saw him on the floor and heard moaning, I knew exactly what to do. Take a picture. Check. Next? I took a peak inside and fortunately his pants were still up. The toilet was broken off the wall and I could only conclude that it was before he took a seat. When I asked him if he was ok, he just laid there and said his pride was hurt. I finished my business and went on my way. But I thought we could do a Tosh.0-esque "picture breakdown"

First, notice the tape, clearly visible, but it might be somehow hard to read because it wasn't horizontal.

Next, take a look at the open stall next to it. Sure it might be smaller, but hey, if I'm choosing between a potentially dangerous stall and a safe one, the safe on wins every time. Maybe that's just me.

Finally, look at the power bar. That is for handicapped people to support them onto the toilet. When he was falling, didn't he see that? My first instinct when falling is to grab something. Maybe he decided his backpack would be a safer bet. Either way, it made for a great picture and ended my day at the U with a smile. And for that, we thank you.

Friday, October 5, 2012

added security

It's October. Haunted houses, watching movies that freak you out, pumpkin everything. Just a few things about this season. I personally really like Halloween  I also do NOT like being scared. Why do I like Halloween? I really don't know, it might due to an awesome childhood where a slow Halloween meant only filling one pillow case up with candy. Maybe it it because of the awesome costumes I had, or being able to stay out later just because there were parties and such happening. Yea, those are definitely the reasons. Not for the scare factor.

Being a grown man, I now have to pretend things don't scare me. Around friends, family or girls, I am simply too old to be scared anymore. I'm glad that wasn't the case when I was 14 and watched 'the ring' then slept at the foot of my parents bed that night. (If you don't believe it, ask my mom.) Don't get me wrong, I watch the scary movies, I can separate real from fake, and usually now I don't get freaked out. I can go thru any haunted house, unless there is a chainsaw guy, in a calm, cool, collected manner. All bets are off when there is a chainsaw guy. I somehow transform into Usain Bolt when I hear the chainsaw coming. But that is neither here nor there.

Well because some people still get scared in movies, or replay "Darkness Falls" in your head when the power goes out in the house and you're all alone, here is a sure fire way to get thru the scary movie and prank season. One word:

Blanket. Blankets are the ultimate protector. When you were little and something scared you at night, what did you do? put your head under the blanket and tried to fall asleep. When does shiz go bad? When they get out of the blanket. But be careful, you have to be ALL the way under the blanket. You leave a leg out and BOOM! You're a goner. For whatever reason,  ghosts, demons of any kind, and especially the boogeyman, can't get you under a blanket. It might be Newtons 4th law. Or maybe his 5th. I can't remember. Either way, having a blanket with you always a safe bet. Just think how much happier movies like "The Ring" "The Exorcist" "Children of the Corn" or "The Grudge" would have been if the characters would have been like Linus from "Charlie Brown." If they always had a blanket, anytime something scary was about to happen, lay down, get ALL the way under the blanket, and keep quiet until the scary thing loses interest, or someone can come save the day. Perfect right? So tonight, if you get tricked into watching a movie that "isn't that scary" make sure you have a blanket on call, and you'll be fine. As for the rest of Halloween? Enjoy the pumpkin spice everything.