Saturday, May 28, 2011

campires vs bonfires

I follow several people's blogs. one of my buddies blog (he didn't want me to share it with you) recently posted about bonfires and how they are a way to "leave our chaotic society" not bring the party and all else that comes with it up the mountains. As much as I love my boy, I must respectfully disagree. Bonfires are one thing, campfires are another. Here are some helpful tips on identifying which you are headed to before you are out of cell phone range and can't make new plans.

How to spot a bonfire:
1. If you receive a text that starts with FW: or receive a facebook event request about it, it's a bonfire

2.If more than 10 people ask you if you heard about the "fire" tonight, it's a bonfire.

3.You have seen at least 2 trucks filled with pallets driving near the canyon, it's a bonfire.

4. If your roommates or friends need to go home to "get ready" for the fire, it's a bonfire.

Now bonfire's are great. It's like a party up the mountain with: good music, friends, the chance to meet new people, and if you are in cedar, probably some rifles will be there.

However, if you are like my friend and want more of a relaxation time, you are looking for a campfire. These are usually planned out well in advance, you'll probably call up your closest friends (or they will call you) and in place of pallets you will have some actual firewood.(I prefer the stuff from the maverick.) And obviously s'mores. Campfires are also great, I've had some of the most meaningful conversations of my life by campfire. So there you have it, how to tell what type of fire you are going to. Oh ya, either way; don't forget the bandana.

bro's before ho's

Couldn't have said it better myself

Friday, May 27, 2011

can i be frank with you?

Blunt. Candid. Brutally honest. All mean the same thing. You are about to tell someone something they don't want to hear.

I just started a new job in Phoenix (puh-ho-nicks according to the silent cowboy) and because I am in a new place and am not totally comfortable with the people I'm around, I've started to notice that I have an alter-ego. His name is Francisco, I call him Frank for short. For example, there is this lady that is SOOOOO loud, overweight and just being around her you would understand. Anyways, one day she was in her huge SUV stopped in the middle of a parking lot so no one could get around her. After a couple minutes of waiting, I could feel Frank wanting to get out of my car, walk up to her window and calmly say "excuse me, but you could please move your fat ass so I can get out of the parking lot?" Don't worry, Steve prevailed. Other similar situations have risen in the past week.

Thankfully I have enough sense NOT to let Frank win too often. However, when someone is gloating about their mediocrity (aka backup receiver at a sub-par university) Frank takes over and helps that person realize how little they really have achieved and that they really have nothing coherent to say back to you.

Now I'm not condoning being blunt, but sometimes it's a necessary evil. Truth hurts occasionally. And if you don't like it, you can leave.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

an idiots guide at surviving an apocolypse

1. Trust robots with plants

2. Keep an eye out for asteroids the size of Texas.


3. Don't hang out with Obama.

4. Find the crazy guy and send him on a suicide mission.

5. Sporadically place glasses of water throughout the house, mount a baseball bat on the wall in a convenient location, and await further instructions from Mel Gibson.
6. Listen for Will Smith's voice on the radio.