Saturday, November 24, 2012

technology: changing our future

Everyone has a smart phone. If you don't have a smart phone, you want one. If you have a smart phone, you can't live without it. They have forever changed the way we live and our interactions with everything. Verizon wireless has brought this truth to light. I'm here to analyze these commercials.

This is "Jane." That weird old lady with 27 cats. Except she isn't that weird, or old. And later on you will see she isn't ugly either. 

Minute 0:01 - apparently there is a magazine for cat lovers to read about all things cats on a monthly basis. 
Minute 0:02 - I guess at some point, even after owning a cat sweater and resigning yourself to the life of a "cat lady" you can still become disgusted with your cat fetish and throw your cat magazine away in disgust. Don't give up Jessica Lamereoux and Brittany Ringham, there's still hope!
Minute 0:05 - someone with no knowledge of football or social skills will randomly download the NFL mobile app and become a packers fan
Minute 0:08-0:16 - watching games on a tiny 4.3 inch screen at a hair salon, the hardware store, and a bus makes you more of a fan than going to games or setting apart time to watch the games on a big screen TV. 
Side Note: since when do men go to the salon and get their hair done the same way as women? And of those men, how many of them are avid football fans that will strike up a conversation with a random stranger at such a salon? 
Minute 0:21 - After becoming slightly knowledgeable of relatively easily-research-facts about a single player on the Packers, you will have tons of friends, a whole new wardrobe, your glasses will be gone (along with all of your cat sweaters), you will be reasonably pretty and you will be at a party with Drew Brees on his only Sunday off during the football season. And you won't be paying attention to him, you will still be watching the Packers on a 4.3 inch screen instead of going inside where I'm sure Drew Brees has been watching the game. Oh and "No one will know the game better than you." Research, going to or any other sports site is a waste of time. NFL mobile is all you will ever need.
Another Note: You are focused on a tiny screen instead of meeting one of them most prolific passers of all-time in NFL history and a great human being off the field. Oh, and you will have 3 guys around you also watching on the same 4.3 inch screen you are looking at instead of the 65 inch LED plasma inside the house. 

So there you have it, smart phones have and will forever change our lives. Pro athletes, big screen TV's, and cat sweaters will all fall by the wayside in comparison with that sweet smart phone and your NFL mobile app. Personally, I'm excited about that future.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

don't hate, celebrate

I'm sitting in the "kilpacondo" right now and the discussion came up that Thanksgiving get's the shaft when is comes to holidays. Which in some respects is true. However, Thanksgiving gets more attention now than it ever has. Just take a look at Facebook, twitter, instagram etc. #nothingbutthankfulnovember. Thanksgiving gets tons of props. Football games are excellent that day. It's a time that everyone makes sure they get home for the family.

The point of this post isn't that Thanksgiving isn't getting overlooked, the reason I am posting this is because Christmas, as it should, gets MOST of the attention during November. Too often people hate on the early recognition of Christmas. Especially putting up lights early and Christmas music on the radio. This absolutely should happen. Christmas is the greatest time of year. Kids look forward to Christmas all year. They wish everyday was Christmas. Adults become less selfish and think of ways to show their love to loved ones. Christmas season brings thoughts of charity, an increase in kindness, bonuses at work, a break from school, snowsportssnowmen, ugly sweaters, awesome decorations, Christmas parties, timeless movies, easy-to-plan-dates, and unbelievable sales on EVERYTHING.

To me, these things sound pretty great. I'm perfectly ok with the best season of the year being extended an extra month. 25 days isn't enough to enjoy all of it's awesome-ness. So for all the haters of Christmas music in November, and the lights at temple square up well before December, here is a solution: relax. Enjoy the spirit that this awesome season brings. And if you don't want to enjoy this greatness? that's ok too.

Monday, October 22, 2012

heck of a season

Wedding season is over. For a few months. Then winter weddings begin. Since graduating from college up until summer 2012, I had been to exactly zero weddings. LA, Mexico, Virginia Beach, and Arizona had something to do with that. However, this summer, I went to a bunch of weddings. Each with varying degrees of awesome-ness. But I've learned some things in these weddings.

One thing that was common in each wedding was this: The wedding hasn't ever, and won't ever, be for the groom in any way. It's all about the bride. At the latest wedding I was at, I made this analogy: The groom is like the king in chess. He is absolutely essential to the game. Without him, you can't play the game. But he doesn't do a whole lot when the game is actually played. There are a lot of moving pieces and he just mostlty sits back and tries not to the get in the way. If he's called on? Sure, he will move, but in a good game, he shouldn't have to move. The real piece to pay attention to is the queen. She has the best moves, everyone loves her, and all other pieces move as the queen sees fit to make her best moves. Pretty indicative of life eh?

Here are some other things I learned from wedding season:

1. Meatballs always taste better at a wedding

2. Friends can show you an awesome side of themselves you or anyone else has never ever seen before

3. Groomsmen get some sweet ties

 Enjoy the offseason everyone!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

breaking rules

Many rules are made to be broken. Black and brown fashion, running red lights, running at the pool, closing your eyes during heads up seven up, running with scissors, this list goes on. But there are some rules you should never break. Because there are severe consequences. Stopping on a railroad track, robbing a bank, telling a girl she looks fat...ever, etc.

There is one rule that has some mixed consequences. The caution tape rule. If you've ever seen a police TV drama, if there is caution tape, no one pays attention it. You can have as much "police line: do not enter tape"  as you want, but the 10 year old kid next door, the old man down the street, and anyone who has any sort of relationship to the area being taped off, WILL cross that line. It's in the movies duh, and everything in the movies is true.

I learned this past week that when the University of Utah puts out this caution tape, they mean business. Not because the taped off areas are overly dangerous, just that they put a spell on the area that makes people become morons. I was walking by some steps that had the caution tape around them, and I proceeded to watch 2 people simultaneously fall down the steps. It was scary, then when I could ensure they were ok, I laughed my head off.

Later that day I went into the bathroom, and a stall was taped off. Let's get one thing straight, if I see caution on a bathroom, I immediately know to stay away. Most likely its going to be a war-zone comparable to Afghanistan in there. One person was much braver than I. Well he made a huge mistake. As I saw him on the floor and heard moaning, I knew exactly what to do. Take a picture. Check. Next? I took a peak inside and fortunately his pants were still up. The toilet was broken off the wall and I could only conclude that it was before he took a seat. When I asked him if he was ok, he just laid there and said his pride was hurt. I finished my business and went on my way. But I thought we could do a Tosh.0-esque "picture breakdown"

First, notice the tape, clearly visible, but it might be somehow hard to read because it wasn't horizontal.

Next, take a look at the open stall next to it. Sure it might be smaller, but hey, if I'm choosing between a potentially dangerous stall and a safe one, the safe on wins every time. Maybe that's just me.

Finally, look at the power bar. That is for handicapped people to support them onto the toilet. When he was falling, didn't he see that? My first instinct when falling is to grab something. Maybe he decided his backpack would be a safer bet. Either way, it made for a great picture and ended my day at the U with a smile. And for that, we thank you.

Friday, October 5, 2012

added security

It's October. Haunted houses, watching movies that freak you out, pumpkin everything. Just a few things about this season. I personally really like Halloween  I also do NOT like being scared. Why do I like Halloween? I really don't know, it might due to an awesome childhood where a slow Halloween meant only filling one pillow case up with candy. Maybe it it because of the awesome costumes I had, or being able to stay out later just because there were parties and such happening. Yea, those are definitely the reasons. Not for the scare factor.

Being a grown man, I now have to pretend things don't scare me. Around friends, family or girls, I am simply too old to be scared anymore. I'm glad that wasn't the case when I was 14 and watched 'the ring' then slept at the foot of my parents bed that night. (If you don't believe it, ask my mom.) Don't get me wrong, I watch the scary movies, I can separate real from fake, and usually now I don't get freaked out. I can go thru any haunted house, unless there is a chainsaw guy, in a calm, cool, collected manner. All bets are off when there is a chainsaw guy. I somehow transform into Usain Bolt when I hear the chainsaw coming. But that is neither here nor there.

Well because some people still get scared in movies, or replay "Darkness Falls" in your head when the power goes out in the house and you're all alone, here is a sure fire way to get thru the scary movie and prank season. One word:

Blanket. Blankets are the ultimate protector. When you were little and something scared you at night, what did you do? put your head under the blanket and tried to fall asleep. When does shiz go bad? When they get out of the blanket. But be careful, you have to be ALL the way under the blanket. You leave a leg out and BOOM! You're a goner. For whatever reason,  ghosts, demons of any kind, and especially the boogeyman, can't get you under a blanket. It might be Newtons 4th law. Or maybe his 5th. I can't remember. Either way, having a blanket with you always a safe bet. Just think how much happier movies like "The Ring" "The Exorcist" "Children of the Corn" or "The Grudge" would have been if the characters would have been like Linus from "Charlie Brown." If they always had a blanket, anytime something scary was about to happen, lay down, get ALL the way under the blanket, and keep quiet until the scary thing loses interest, or someone can come save the day. Perfect right? So tonight, if you get tricked into watching a movie that "isn't that scary" make sure you have a blanket on call, and you'll be fine. As for the rest of Halloween? Enjoy the pumpkin spice everything.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

let's get

Online dating. For the 30-somethings, it's a powerful tool and a great way to meet people who are also socially awkward and didn't figure out dating in their 20's. Us young people laugh at it. I had a friend a few summers ago sign up for it while living in Virginia to meet girls. We had a great time making fun of him. But wait a minute. Should we be so quick to judge? I argue that even us young people are using digital media for meeting new people and doing a loosely defined form of "online dating." Let me explain.

He's a 6'4" Olympic sprinter online
This summer I got instagram. I really like it. I was originally a hater. I've changed. As I've used instagram I've noticed something. Not unique to instagram, but much more obvious there. People date and form relationships on their phones thru this app. It's easy to see who likes who and which guys are interested in which girls. (and vice versa.) All of the sudden, a girl likes your last 15 instagram posts dating back to January.

Next they get on facebook and this person has liked every photo of you since 2008. News flash, unless you are a universal "like-er" (something I will be posting soon) liking photos doesn't increase your odds with the person you are trying to impress. Really all it does is make it more obvious that you are into this person.

After that, comes the most entertaining par: the backlash. Odds are, whoever you are interested in has dated someone before. It's also extremely likely that this person is likeable and the break-up wasn't mutual. (no break-up is mutual fyi) So now their "ex" wants to know who the heck you are. I find this more common with girls than guys, but I've been in a circumstance where a girls "ex" all of the sudden wanted to be my FB friend. So now that the "ex" has you on radar, they start liking your photos, posts, etc. They may not even know you but they want to keep tabs on you to see what is going on with their "one-that-got-away." Its fun to watch from a distance and see this "fr-enemy" relationship form.

Potential online date
Now, do these interactions happen offline? You betcha. Girls "like" everything a guy they are interested says by laughing at stupid jokes, girls or guys pretending they are interested in sports/art/dance/politics/etc even when they don't have a clue about them;,guys being genuinely "interested" in the problems between roommates. Next, the "ex" figures out that you are dating someone and starts "following" you. Asking around about you, maybe even introducing themselves to you and giving you tips about the new relationship you find yourself in.

So before we laugh at those that do online dating, let's take a step back, and realize that us attractive "20-somethings" have a form of online dating. Then after we've realized that, we can get back to laughing at those poor saps on eHarmony. 

Thursday, September 13, 2012

nothing mini about it

Minivans. The car no teenager or college student wants to drive. Yet thousands of people of year are infected with the notion that the practicality of a minivan overrules how awful they are. Being a college student, I can see the fuel economy a van provides, I understand that they can carry a million people, but why on earth would you ever want to really drive one? A suburban is only a slight difference and makes you way less of a soccer mom. How are minivans still in existence? Any other SUV does the same thing without looking awful in the process?

There are many alternatives to driving a minivan. Any of them are good alternatives. Today I am here to convince and ensure that anyone who reads this blog will never succumb to the idea that minivans aren't sucky. Here are my reasons:

1. They look like a blind 3rd grader designed a rocket ship using a crayon, and I don't care what you say, the Honda Odyssey is NOT cool  looking. And no, racing stripes wouldn't help.
This looks terrible

2. Once you start driving them, you become a sucky driver. Ricky Bobby, Jeff Gordon, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. could get into a minivan and they would immediately forget how to drive the speed limit, signal before turning, and most likely get rear end someone in the first 30 seconds they started to drive.
This looks good

3. You will for  ever be tagged as "that soccer mom" or worse, "that soccer dad"

4. The van will automatically smell like diapers and be perpetually dirty

5. If you put in a TV guess what, still not cool.

6. Even if you have a wakesetter luxury boat, towing it with a minivan will make you look like a fool.

7. Sliding doors are dumb

So there you go, a few reasons to not own a minivan. Suburbans look so much better. 

Monday, August 27, 2012

ready, set, GO!

Well it’s the start of school. For us lucky students at the U, we started a week ago. For some reason, this year I was NOT excited to get back to school. (might have been the $30,000 of debt I had to go into, or maybe because this is my 5th year of school, or maybe it’s because it’s not SUU) Either way school is upon us. My baby sister is starting school today so this post is inspired for her, but can apply to everyone.

College, something we pay big bucks for in hopes of making the big bucks. Why do we really do it? I was talking to a friend the other day who questioned his attendance at a university. He thought he should’ve done a trade school or something like that. I was thinking about that and my undergraduate time at SUU. I came to this conclusion: most people don’t go to college purely for an education. In reality, we don’t learn a ton in college. (we do, but forget a good portion of it.) College is bigger than just school. It’s an experience. If I were to do it again, I would always choose a school in a college town. Why? The environment. The people. The crazy stories. The midnight adventures. Not for the teachers or the prestige of the school. I can remember going on a hike at 2 am the night before a final exam my freshman year, 5 years ago, but I can’t tell you what was on my final exam only hours later. College is an experience, education is only part of that.

So if you sleep thru your alarm because you were up too late last night, get a front row seat because that is who you are, or stroll in late and sit in the back on your computer, remember, today is the day of a new beginning. Your college experience is waiting for you. Make it memorable!

My advice? Pull some funny pranks on your friends, ask for some random hottie's number, make a late night Wendy’s run, enjoy the moment instead of worrying about the sweet picture you’re gonna post on instagram, don’t flunk out of college, and be a part of your school. Enjoy the first day of school baby sister!(and everyone else) 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

if we only had a time machine

2012 Team USA

1992 Dream Team
I just got done watching the ESPY's, and sportscenter was on after. Apparently Kobe Bryant made some comments about the current NBA Olympic team. Basically it boils down to the idea that they might give the "Dream Team" problems. Obviously this sparks some controversy and some conversation. I did a little analysis myself and on paper the Dream Team is much better. It might be a little bias as I used to have a dream team kellog's poster in my room. It might be bias because I idolized those guys growing up. Heck I still want to grow up and play on Karl Malone's team. Obviously I've realized that I'll never do that, and I'll get over that. When I'm forced to grow up.

Point being, I don't think the current team could beat the Dream Team. Would it be a good game? Absolutely. Would it sell out the biggest stadium in the US? Of course. But again, no way that the Dream Team loses. Here's why:

Position Weight Height Dream Team  Current Height Weight
C 235 7-1 David Robinson > Tyson Chandler 7-1 240
PF 240 7-0 Patrick Ewing > Kevin Love 6-10 260
PF 255 6-9 Karl Malone >= LeBron James 6-8 250
PF 220 6-6 Charles Barkley >= Carmello Anthony 6-8 240
PF 235 6-11 Christian Laettner < Blake Griffin 6-10 251
SF 220 6-9 Larry Bird <= Kevin Durant 6-9 235
SF  220 6-7 Scottie Pippen > Andre Iguodala 6-6 207
SF 215 6-7 Chris Mullin >= Deron Williams 6-3 209
SG 200 6-6 Michael Jordan > Kobe Bryant 6-6 205
SG 215 6-7 Clyde Drexler = Russel Westbrook 6-3 187
PG 250 6-9 Magic Johnson > James Harden 6-5 220
PG 175 6-1 John Stockton >= Chris Paul 6-0 183

As you can see. The numbers are there. Sheer size and historical awesomeness of the Dream Team leads me to believe they wouldn't lose, even to this really awesome team.

Some of you might have already looked at the table and notice a few question marks. LeBron v. Malone? Both are MVP's. Both have a lot of size and strength. Before you go off on how LeBron is the best player in the league, remember, Malone was named the best player in the league, 2 times, when MJ was still playing/winning titles. And the Mailman...delivers.

Next, Durant v. Bird. This is the one that I think the legends might get beat on. Bird was past his prime during the Dream Team and KD is just getting into his. Larry was really experienced at that point, which might have given him an edge. Plus Larry had proven he could play against Magic and beat him. But I think KD has got this one. This matchup would be really cool to see.

Deron Williams doesn't play well against bigger guys. So I think Mullin edges him, but just barely. And it pains me to say this, but I think Blake Griffin is the only one other than Durant that would most likely beat the Dream Team counterpart.

Jordan v. Kobe? Jordan was in his prime in 92', Kobe is not. Easy win for MJ. Being the best player ever helps. Clyde the glide has Westbrook on patience and quality of plays. Both are super athletic, so Clyde gets it. Magic? No question he's better than the reigning 6th man of the year. Not to mention he is 4 inches taller and 30 pounds stronger. The Admiral v. Chandler? Please. And Ewing v. K.Love? Both are amazing, but Ewing is bigger, so his height makes him better. Stockton? He was in his prime, and didn't have knee injuries like Paul does. He is way bigger and heavier, plus he is the all-time assists king. And those short shorts? Might be a distraction. The only reason I'm putting CP3 as equal is because he is black and can dunk. (Something I'm not sure Stockton could do.) He probably has Stockton beat on pure athleticism.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

bursting bubbles

Today at church I was sitting next to my friend. Minding my own business. He was also minding his own business, enjoying the talk (or trying to stay awake, I can't be sure) when out of nowhere, the guy in the row behind us leans forward, and reaches his hand out toward my buddies neck. I think, is this a serial killer about to choke him at church? Is he going to hit him? Did he just plant a bomb on his neck? He ended up adjusting his collar. After the strike, my buddy turns around and nods. I sit there and wonder if this is a good friend of my friend. Does he know him at all? What did that guy do to my buddies neck? I didn't want to ask right then because the potential serial killer behind us might have overheard and triggered the potential bomb just planted. After the meeting, the guy says "sorry about that, I was just fixing your tie, it was poking out of your collar." Phew. That was a close one.

Then the wheels in my mind started to turn, as they do on occasion, and I thought, "why the heck would that guy feel he was the designated collar fixer?" I mean, he wasn't older than my buddy, and I confirmed that he didn't know my friend at all. It didn't make sense. When you are little, sure, your dad or older brother, or that crazy old guy in your ward can totally fix your collar. You know them, and they are older, wiser, etc. But a complete stranger? For me, that doesn't fly. If you know me, you know that I'm totally cool with physical contact. But I do not, I repeat, DO NOT like physical contact from strangers or unfamiliar acquaintances. I have a bubble, and unless I've given you level 5 clearance, don't touch me. If my collar is messed up, maybe I planned that. Probably not, but I didn't ask you to fix it.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

3’s company

Ladies and gentlemen, we’re in the wake of the Miami’s “Big 3” winning a championship. How could this happen!? It’s the end of days. The Evil Empire has won and proven that the idea a big 3 will work. Small market teams everywhere should panic and run for cover. LA, Miami, Boston, Dallas, Chicago, New York will soon run the NBA and all of the small market teams will be left to die in the destructive path on the way to another championship. Oh wait, all of those teams already win most of the championships.

“Well now that the Heat have proven the ‘Big 3’ theory works, the NBA is in serious trouble.”

Irrelevant. The ‘Big 3’ has worked since the beginning of time. Just look around! Batman, Gordon and Alfred. Hercules, Phil, and Meg. Peter, Ray, and Egon. Aladdin, Jasmine, and Abu. Harry, Ron, and Hermoine. Frodo, Sam, and Gandolf. George of the Jungle, His wife, and that English Gorrilla? This list goes on and on. Hollywood figured it out years ago. And guess what, so did the NBA. Allow me to enlighten you.

The 90’s were filled with our most favorite NBA stars. The best of the best. The one’s we loved and loved to hate.
Jordan, Pippen, Rodman
Drexler, Olajuwon, Barkley
Hardaway, Richmond, Mullin
Oakley, Ewing, Starks (Not to mention Larry Johnson and Derek Harper)
Horace Grant, Hardaway, O'Neal
Stockton, Malone, Hornacek (mabye even Bryon Russell)
Sean Elliot, Robinson, Duncan (add Brandon Williams and Avery Johnson)
Teams were stacked in the 90’s. That’s why we have so many heroes from that time. Sure you had your fair share of teams without big 3’s, but it was common to have 2 superstars and 1 regular star on your team in the 90’s, and guess what, basketball was awesome.

Flash forward a decade and what do we have? A whole bunch of ‘Big 3’s’ again. Heat, Lakers, Celtics, Thunder, Spurs, Bulls, maybe the Hawks (if they can get CP3 and D12, but I doubt it). And guess what? Basketball is still awesome. Who doesn’t love cheering for Harden, Durant, and Westbrook. It seems like everyone outside of Miami that has a pulse hates LeBron and company. That's what makes this game great!

So to my fellow NBA doomsday predictors, don’t fear, the NBA is just fine. Remember the 97’ and 98’ finals between the Jazz and Bulls? Even tho we all know that Jordan pushed Russell for the series winning shot, those were great games. Amazing to watch, and this last year’s final was no different. (With the exception of game 5) Enjoy the offseason! Football is nearly upon us!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

act like you're in public

Public transportation. At one point or another, most of us have had to use it. Whether it was trying to get the back seat of the school bus with the big kids, a taxi downtown, or riding a cross country train with Jason Aldean thru the "fly-over states" most have used public transportation.

This summer I am working at the state capitol building. I live in Draper. Those of you weren’t too lazy to click on the link just saw that it’s about a 30 minute drive without traffic. So being a poor college student who doesn’t like to sit in traffic, I opted to take TRAX for my summer commute.

TRAX is really funny to ride. That’s right, I said FUNNY, not fun, it sucks to ride. I guess that’s what you get with public transportation. I’ve been using TRAX for about 3 weeks now and I’ve learned some stuff that I feel I should pass on to others. Like it doesn’t matter where you sit in the morning, but be careful where you sit in the afternoon. After a full day of sweat and stank, you might get too close to a guy that smells like hot garbage and squirrel diarrhea. That will just ruin your whole trip home trying not to throw up. I’ve noticed especially 11-14 year old boys that haven’t learned to use deodorant and homeless people tend to have this smell most often.

You can ride a bike to a TRAX station, but if you do, be careful which car you get on. Some people ride extremely expensive road bikes to the station, and then expect no one else in the world to get on and disturb their bike or get within 3 feet of it. Safer bet…walk to the station.

Sometimes people will bring about 8 bags onto the train. This is a good strategy…sort of. If you have a few bags, you can pile them all on one seat and have the seat to yourself. However, you still look like an idiot and you have to struggle with those bags once you get off.

Don’t sit on the west side of a train in the afternoon. You will be dying in about 30 seconds. The windows are really big so there is no escape from the sun. It’s like being an ant under a magnifying glass, only you don’t burn to death. And trust me; I would know what an ant feels like. One time my dad accidentally shrunk me.

Most important: Don’t sleep past your stop. That sucks, and if you ride the bus all the way hoping it will loop back around, you might end up like this

Thursday, June 14, 2012

big kid basketball

21. This is the greatest version of street ball that exists for white kids that can't jump above the rim. 21 is like And 1, a little bit of emotional warfare, and a whole lot of trash talking. Getting to the hoop is similar to going thru this thing. If you want to know how it’s played, wikipedia it. For us, this is a time to shine. Delta 21 is the big show. It only comes around a couple times a year. So this is bragging rights. A win in Delta is like winning a playoff game. The chance to prove you’re better than your friends. It's a chance to prove that wearing a jersey makes you better, and making outrageous comparisons to professional basketball players is normal. It's a chance to try to get into each other’s head by any means necessary. “You suck” is more common than a china man in Chinatown. You NEVER concede a win. 

21 represents more than just what's on the surface. It's a moment to go back in time and remember the simple pleasures in life. It's about taking a GBC break when Shredded Wheat rolls his ankle/separates his shoulder. Lying to your buddy saying he’s not bleeding when he is. Watching Kacy put on his mad face and go hard to the rim. Being a kid and forgetting that you have a 40-hour week at a desk job ahead of you. 21 my friends, is a big-kid Mecca. Bring it on fellas.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

there's a gray's actually kinda red

Recently I moved up to Salt Lake City. This is the first summer I’ve spent in Utah since the summer after my high school graduation. It’s awesome not having to uproot and go somewhere new. Last summer I got to live in AZ. Which some of you might be thinking “Arizona? That’s such a great place, I’m sure jealous!” I’m here to tell you that you’re right. Late September thru May, you’re absolutely right. The summers are way too hot. Unless you are literally in the pool, it’s too hot to do just about anything outdoors except between the hours of midnight at 6am.  But I digress. 

Arizona is a great place to live and there are a lot of interesting things to do and see there. If you’ve ever been to Arizona you know that they have decided to use cameras as policemen at intersections and on the freeway. Utah is not this way. For that reason alone, Utah is superior. In Arizona, anyone crossing an intersection when the light is red, will be caught. There is no grace period. 

Last week I was riding in the car with my buddy Drew, and he was coming up on a yellow light. Odds are the light would’ve been red before we got thru the intersection. But it would have been barely red. I asked him why he didn’t try to make the light he defended it by saying “That light was TOO red.” This was an interesting idea. Apparently there are shades of red on a stop light. I’ve been guilty of using the “it’s ok, it was pink” justification when going thru a red light. So my point is this. When is a red light TOO red to get thru? Obviously yellow is cool to plow thru, and green means go. But red generally means STOP! But what about Light Red? Does it even exist on a stoplight? If so, what about Light Cherry Red No. 5? Is Orange ok but we cross the line at Orange Red No. 6? When does a light become “too red?” Technically passing a red light is against the law. But then again, so is driving over the speed limit. So again I ask, what is "too red?" 

Driving a car is cool, you can literally break the law every single day and not even feel guilty. Just be careful, because it doesn’t carry over into other aspects of life. Cops might give warnings for 5 over, or running a red light, but you can't just kill someone a little bit, or just barely steal. So don’t do that.