Wednesday, November 27, 2013

turkey bowl survival



Thanksgiving is synonymous with thankfulness. For most red-blooded men, it also means football. Each year you should hold your annual "Turkey Bowl." If you aren't, you should start the tradition. A few years ago I read a post about family football rules. I decided to create my own list. Below are some general rules to help you maximize the greatness of the Turkey Bowl.

1. Get going early, or someone else is going to take your spot. Find a nice patch of grass and stay there. The Johnson's down the road will be showing up any minute.

2. Never play the game after dinner. Nobody wants to play football after Thanksgiving. Nobody wants to wear pants after Thanksgiving.

3. The following things are prohibited from Thanksgiving touch football: eye black, Mark Sanchez jerseys, tight jeans, cheerleaders. If you are at the field, you are on the team.

4. A Nerf ball is okay but you should own a leather football. A leather football is one of the things every home must have, like a dishwasher and a 49ers tribute wall. No footballs with wings, propellers, streamers or whistlers. That’s just dumb.

5. It's two-hand touch or flags. Unless you don’t have a good relationship with your family. Then it’s tackle.

6. No taunting, cursing or back-handed compliments. That's what Thanksgiving dinner is for.

7. Any out of town visitors that trip/fall and end up with a face full of mud is nothing to worry about. This is the highlight of dinner conversation.

8. It's okay to play with kids but don't baby them. Just because your 12-year-old nephew is about to score doesn’t mean you can’t tackle him. He’s got to learn how to take a hit sometime!

9. The count is five "Alligator." 4 syllables. Don’t use Mississippi. Or it will turn into a rushed "MISS-IPPI"

10. If you find yourself feeling the urge to do any Tebow-ing, Kaepernick-ing or Superman-ing, or any other “-ing” STOP. You don’t need it, and neither does anyone else.

11. No show-off football lingo. No screaming "red-7" or "hot route" You stopped playing in high school, and are a has-been. Don’t pretend you’re not. Not even the other team knows what you’re talking about.

12. There's always one guy who wants to draw out trick plays. Just let him talk, and then forget it immediately. Rule of thumb: Go Deep.

13. Don’t do the triple reverse running play. It never works.

14. No holding, pass interference or other stupid penalties. A little holding never hurt anyone. Don't be a wimp.

15. If you throw five interceptions in a row, you might be using the wrong hand, or you’ve been watching too many Giants football games.

16. Punting is not okay. It just isn’t. Pretend this is Madden.

17. Snow is nothing to be scared of. If anything, it enhances the fun. Again, don’t be a wimp.

18. No matter how good you think you are, you need to remember, Thanksgiving is about eating turkey, NOT scoring the winning touchdown. If you have to spend your Thanksgiving in the ER, you’re doing it wrong. Take it easy.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

skipping thankgiving



"It's the most wonderful time, of the year..." can be hear playing November 1st at 12:01 am in your local Walmart. By the end of the first week in November, most stores have their Christmas merchandise out for sale. Some get started before Halloween. It's almost like we are skipping Thanksgiving all together.

Some people might say 'big deal, Thanksgiving is lame, and it's only one day of celebration anyway' which is technically correct. It's the one day a year that you get together with relatives you don't like and pretend to like them as long as you can tolerate. You might have a yearly tradition of getting in a shouting match with your siblings. But let it be known, Thanksgiving is the holiday most synonymous with family fueds. Maybe because everyone is hungry from starving themselves all day. Maybe because the men don't lift a finger and resign to the couch to watch the Dallas Cowboys lose to the Lions again. But I digress.

What if we just skipped Thanksgiving altogether to have more Christmas season? Think about it...more shopping deals, more time to listen to Mariah Carey, the only time of the year you probably ever listen to her (or Michael Buble.) Light's can be put up while it's still relatively warm outside and there won't be snow on the roof? Sounds pretty great right? Wrong.

We need thanksgiving, because if we stopped, doom would befall us. Think about it; does anyone have a best friend who is never grateful? Never takes time to say "thank you" to you? Nope, you don't. Those people spend their Friday nights trying to find something to do but end up at a bar by themselves. Extending the Christmas shopping would be financial ruin for some. Adding another 25ish days a year dedicated to Christmas shopping would impoverish everyone except Target, Old Navy, Best Buy and WalMart. Could you really stand listening to straight Christmas music for 2 whole months? Hearing every possible version of 'Jingle Bells' known to man and then some? I tried this last year. It sucks. Plus how weird would it be to go from dressing up like monsters and sluts, to singing about brotherhood and Christ. We need a transition period. We need a short Christmas season to keep is special. Cue, Thanksgiving.

But Thanksgiving is being forgotten. Overlooked. I think the only reason we are keeping it around is to maintain our gluttony for food. We're too fat to let go of our feast, even tho most don't even acknoledge gratitude prior to stuffing their faces. Here's a solution:

Let's make some traditions to lead up to Thanksgiving. Make it the "Thanksgiving Season." After everyone is over Halloween and all the #latergrams have gone up of your costumes, lets start dressing up. Have pilgrim and Indian parties. Get Justin Timberlake to sing a "Thanksgiving Album" featuring Jay-Z, Florida Georgia Line and other big names singing about gratitude (Miley Cyrus will be banned of course). October and November is pumpkin everything anyway, let's make a drink specific to the thanksgiving season. Thanksgiving-nog. Something to rival Eggnog. Charles Shultz already made a Thanksgiving movie, I'm sure we could talk Robert Downy Jr and Catherine Zeta-Jones into doing another Thanksgiving movie. Heck, for the right price, Will Ferrell would do a "prequel" to Elf!

Making a whole 'season' around Thanksgiving will make us more grateful, and make Christmas that much more special. The Christmas season will be so much more exciting. When Black Friday rolls around, we can forget what we're thankful for so we can go buy more shiz we don't need with money we don't have.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

playing games

Being a single adult who lives in Salt Lake, I don’t spend time often in Provo, but when I do, I almost always get stuck in a conversation circle where someone is talking about relationships and 99% of the time, the phrase “he/she likes to play games” is used.

What the hell does that even mean? I’ve never understood that saying. “Playing games.” Ever since Backstreet Boys came out with that song. Stupid backstreet boys! Why can't you be more like N*Sync?!

I like to play games! If it has a board, or some pieces or something to Jenga, I’m down. If it’s a sport game, I also will like it. But apparently these aren't the ‘games’ people are talking about. But when I ask, “what do you mean by games?” I always get this nebulous, indirect answer that doesn't really make sense. 

Maybe no one actually knows what games are. Maybe it's has something to do with the way you dress. Provo all-stars and backstreet boys have some eerily similar tastes in clothing. 

To me, from hearing this phrase from more than 100 people in my lifetime, this is the true definition of "playing games":

“well, I’m way more into them than they are into me. So they don’t reciprocate the same attention to me that I expect them to, and therefore, anything that doesn't demonstrate their absolute interest in me pisses me off and makes me tell everyone that they are jerks/sluts and they are always “playing games.”


Let’s find another way to express ourselves when we are let down by our crush not being as interested in us as we are in them. And Provo, can we talk about other stuff than your lack of relationship? Let’s talk about ANYTHING else. I’ll even talk about the WNBA. Get it together Provo.


Saturday, August 17, 2013

Is that a compliment?

I live in a house with 3 awesome dudes. We have all gotten sucked into the awesomeness that is, "New Girl." Except for David, who has been in San Francisco all summer. 

New Girl is a show about 3 guys and Zooey Deschanel who live in a loft in California together and have some of the funniest story lines of TV. It really gained some steam in it's second season and we are all anxiously awaiting the start of the 3rd season this fall. (September 17th) If you haven't seen it, go watch the first season on Netflix. If you love funny TV shows; you won't regret it. 

As mentioned above, this show has gained a lot of traction in the mainstream pop culture. Many people I know have been comparing me to Schmidt. The loveable, but overly-confident ladies' man who is originally from Long Island, New York. So the question must be asked, why do I remind people of Schmidt? I decided that when people say I remind them of him, it's probably a compasult. Here's why:


Are people saying I'm a douche?


video

Or is it because I like to dress nice?


Or is it any one of these moments?

Whatever way I remind you of Schmidt, I'm going to accept it as a compliment. Because he's pretty funny, and he dated a model. 

100th post

Wow. 100 posts. And it only took me 3 years. Divide 100 by 36 months? that's about 3 posts a month. You're welcome for not blowing up your feed with new posts. And also, Andy, I'm sorry I haven't posted hardly anything in 2013.

For my 100th post I wanted to do something so epic. Something so awesome that it would get 100 views in 100 seconds from 100 different countries. But then I remembered, I'm not that influential. I mean, I'm not Erinn Miller

So then I thought I could something thought provoking or inspirational. Something to get people thinking. Like judging books by their covers, analyzing politics, proof that God exists or doesn't, the similarities between Costco and Disneyland. You know, stuff that will make you smarter. But I decided against that too.

So then I decided. Who cares. It's the 100th post of a mediocre drop-in-the-bucket blog among millions of blogs. So that's it. The end. Happy 100th post!


Here's some inspirational thoughts for you. I'll play myself out. 

Sunday, July 28, 2013

It might get a little serious

Hey everyone! I know I have been on a hiatus for about 3 months and I just want to say to my most devoted readers (all 3 of them) that I'm sorry I have been slacking. No promises things will get more consistent. Just enjoy them when they make it up here. 

Today's topic is something I have thought about a lot. For a long time. It's something that occupies a good amount of my thoughts, and I'm sure a lot of others thoughts. The topic? Girls. 

Gotcha. C'mon, seriousness isn't my style.

Now, before all the girl readers stop reading, this post may prove invaluable to you. So keep reading. 

Girls are SO awesome. I love them. I love looking at them. I love talking to them, dating them, cuddling with them, (see post) kissing them, etc. Girls are at least 50% of my motivation to do just about anything. 

Recently, I was talking with some buddies about girls, and one friend came up with the perfect classification to fits just about every type of girl you could imagine. I thought it was so good, I figured I needed to share with the world. 

First type- the "bring-home-to-mom" girls: everyone has different preferences with the ladies. Some like them tall, some like them short, others big, others little, smart/dumb, loud/quiet; but they all have a type they would happily take home to mom. These are the ladies you could see yourself spending more than 2 days a week with. Those that you know wouldn't say something uncomfortable to Grandma, but will still tell your brother he is a wuss. Ladies, this is what we eventually date/marry/wait-for-to-come-home-from-missions.

Second type- These are girls you would hot tub with. Now, obviously the first type you would also hot tub with, however, this group are those you would hot tub but NOT bring home to mom. These girls are crazy, in a good way. They will have fun, the guy is attracted to them, but they might be a little too wild to bring home to the family. Maybe the girl says stuff that makes you know it wouldn't work, but the girl is still physically attractive enough to want to enjoy a little eye candy/action in the hot tub. This is the natural type most men put girls in for the majority of their single lives. So ladies, if you feel like this is the zone you live in with most guys, no worries, we guys are...well, guys. 

Final Type- nothin to do with. This is a zone the girls don't want to be in. This usually means that you are so obnoxious, rude, dramatic, etc that there is no way a guy is dealing with you, at all. Your crappy qualities outweigh the good ones. Not a whole lot of explanation here. If you feel like this happens to you more often than not...change something.

So there you go. Guys, feel free to use this when describing girls to your friends, and Ladies, use this as a measuring stick. Who knows, that guy that you like might be in hot tub zone and all you have to do is show him you can totally hang with his family. You're welcome. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."


Quote by the late comedian Henny Youngman.
I don't consider myself a golfer. Not like Drew Killpack or Taylor Schone. But as the weather has warmed up, I have been on the links a lot. Golf is a great, horrible, awesomely fun, crappy game. Point is, unless you are really consistently good, golf will be fun and sucky within the same 9 holes. Here is how to survive 9 holes of golf. (Or 18, or 36, or whatever you want.) So all of my readers that are professional golfers, this post doesn't really apply to you. (Sorry Tiger)



Hole 1- "Breakfast ball." First hole is a warm up. Your first tee shot might suck. Get over it. Here is what you do: take 2 balls to the first tee. Then when you duff the ball, you get another try.

Hole 2- Now you've got out the jitters, don't think about last hole, and just play. Remember the most important rule of amateur golf: you are not good at golf. If you double bogey the hole, you did a great job. Nice tee shot! And your approach shot was only 30 yards wide right!

Hole 3- You've just sliced your ball 2 fairways over. Don't worry, that double bogey on the last hole was pretty good! This was just a bad shot, you'll be fine. Now grab your 3 iron and cross your fingers you can find your ball!

demotivational poster GOLFHole 4- Another bad tee shot. So that is 3 out of 4. This is where you need to eat that packet of welch's fruit snacks and remember that life is gooooooood. You are only experiencing first world problems. Breathe. Breathe. And we're back with a great (semi-lucky) second shot. See you on the green.

Hole 5- Nice tee shot. Only the second cut! You almost hit your first fairway of the day! And only a 2 put on the green? This is shaping into a great hole. Nice par.

Take a little break."When pros tell you to keep your head down, it's so you can't see them laughing." -Phyllis Diller

Hole 6- And we're back. Before the tee shot, remember that this hole is different than the last. No reason to think you will par again. And you didn't. This is your signature 8 stoke on a par 3. If you forgot to remember that this hole is different, and you are ready to break you putter after a 5 put. Don't. Golf clubs are no match for Mother Nature, her trees, ground, or rocks. Nature will always win. Don't bet against nature. Her track record is impeccable.

Hole 7- Now that you are missing your sand wedge (you gently placed it in the lake after it fell out of your hands into the nearest tree) you are back to normal temperament. Remember to keep your head still and just have fun with it. You are already shooting way over par, with no hope, or expectation that somehow your game will improve from last Saturday. The last time you hit a golf ball.

Hole 8- You've caught up to the outrageously slow group playing ahead of you. You might be tempted to tell them to hurry, but don't. Instead, you should have already watched every golf movie prior to this day and you will now quote all the funny parts of them with your buddies. Or you can always bash on the incumbent political figures and talk about how much better you could do than them. Golf games are great for that stuff.

Hole 9- You've made it to the last hole! Not so bad right? An easy, straight par 4 to finish the course? You've shared a few good laughs with your friends, lost about 9 balls, "lost" the scorecard, and now you are about to have lunch. All you have to do is make solid contact, get to the green, and 3-putt your way home.

Now that wasn't so bad was it? See you next Saturday fellas!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

winning takes care of everything

Recently there was an ad that Nike made with Tiger Woods. The caption "Winning takes care of everything" Nike took lots of heat from online critics. There has been a ton of discussion about it. Some say "of course winning takes care of everything. Everyone loves a winner!" Others say no amount of success on the field can make up for shortcomings in your personal life. So which is true? Or are they both wrong? Should we care?

I'm here to give you the RIGHT answer. (as if I could give you a wrong answer.) Winning absolutely takes care of everything. Now before all of my readers start texting and emailing me, keep reading.

Winning takes care of everything, for one reason, US! How many athletes do we adore, but in their personal lives, they are crappy people? Anyone remember Kobe? Feels like it wasn't near as bad as Tiger, right? Wrong. He was still cheating on his wife, and cheating is cheating. But how quickly we forget. it was a mere 10 years ago. And now? Kobe is awesome. The "Black Mamba" has his own line of clothing, shoes, commercials,etc. And we, the sports fans, love it. I love everything about Kobe. His swagger, his lack of concern for the media; he is like the last old school player that trash-talks, wants to win more than anything else in the world, and has the skills to back it up. But do those things qualify for forgiveness? Nope. Not even a little bit.

Look at Tiger, he is a superstar once again. #1 in the world. Once hated by everyone for cheating on his supermodel wife, he is now dating Lindsey Vonn. An olympic athlete. She has forgiven him. Has he proved his fidelity in the short 4 years since the scandal? I guess so. Maybe not. But I'll bet his love and acceptance began when he started winning again? Why, because we the fans love a winner. No one cares about losers.

Here are some other winners that have been forgiven:

Ray Lewis - murder
Cam Newton - accepting money as an NCAA athlete
Mike Vick - dog fighting
Justin Gatlin - steroid use in olympics
Ben Roethlesbeger - rape
Rick Pitino - cheated on wife

So now the question is: is this ok? Is your reaction "I can't believe I let winning influence my feelings for athletes!"? How does this happen? It happens because these people aren't our friends, family, colleagues, etc. Our only attachment to them is their performance in their respective sports. We pay attention to them purely for our enjoyment. And I enjoy watching winners. So do you. Unless your a Jazz or Mariners fan. Oh wait...

Monday, April 8, 2013

not gonna lie...

How many times have you heard someone begin a sentence with "I'll be honest..." or "Truth be told..." or any number of prefixes that indicate that only the absolute truth will be delivered? I'll be honest, I'm guilty of it, (see what I did there) and you probably are too.

A friend and myself were talking about this a few weeks ago. It's actually pretty funny and makes no sense when people start their sentences with this. Why begin the sentence claiming you aren't going to lie? Shouldn't the expectation be that whatever comes out of your mouth is truthful? Are we to believe that unless you start your sentence with these phrases, you are lying? I hope not.

Maybe we should all just live in a world like Jim Carrey?


Thursday, March 7, 2013

guilty by association

Michelle Obama is meeting with CEO's of business's to discuss business. Her education includes a sociology major (African american studies minor) and a law degree. When I read about her education, I feel like she would be great at consulting minorities about how to become militant activists in order to gain unfair advantages they don't really deserve over others. But has done nothing to earn the right to educate top business leaders on how to do their job. Just because she is the presidents wife, doesn't mean she is smart, or can teach business leaders about business. Heck, the president can't seem to get a clue on how to make business work. check this out.

Guilty by association is collective guilt. It is the controversial collectivist idea that a group of humans can bear guilt above and beyond the guilt of particular members, and hence an individual holds responsibility for what other members of his group have done, even if the person has not done this.


Translation? If you are around other people, you are likely to be lumped in with the dominant traits/actions of the group.

Using the logic that the first lady is using, I propose the following:
  1. Soccer moms send husbands to teach the top chefs in the world how to make mac & cheese. 
  2. Tom Brady and Wes Welker send their supermodel wives to the front office of any sports franchise and consult owners on how to run the team. They could probably coach a team too. 
  3. Oscar Pistorius does world tour on how to prevent domestic violence. 
  4. An undeclared freshmen teach classes to tenured professors how to encourage participation in classes. 
  5. Metta World Peace gives a seminar to all major religious leaders on anger management and promoting peace. 
Sounds like a great idea? Right?

Monday, March 4, 2013

ain't nobody got time for that

Just in case you haven't seen this yet. You should.

Here's the original. Thank you sweet brown.


Sunday, March 3, 2013

#alittlebitofadviceforallyouhashtagusersoutthere




Good luck reading that title. I'll bet you spent 5 minutes just trying to figure that out.

By now, most of you have an instagram, twitter, vine, or some other social media platform that use hashtags. However, each one of these is unique in the way that you are expected to use the hashtag.

Instagram - A fun and easy social media site. Apparently there is an unspoken rule that girls are to use a minimum of 3 hashtags per picture. And if its someones birthday, you are required to use no less than 10. Food, at least 5 are needed to get your point across that you are enjoying the food. But the point is, there is not a goal for creativity, originality, or awesomeness in a hashtag. As many as you need.

Twitter - this is the last great social media frontier. A friend of mine said "brevity is a sign of wit." Another friend said "twitter is cool." Both true statements. Twitter only allows 140 characters for expression. So you have to be brief. Meaning, your hashtags must be witty, funny, clever, or non-existent. Not using a hashtag is also a sign of intelligence in this hashtag-saturated world. Twitter? 2 hashtags MAX! There is no reason to go on and on with hashtags. Why? Because you can't. You don't have room; and because twitter is the place for the clever and the brief to express themselves. Moral of the story, one hashtag should be plenty. On a rare circumstance you can include a second, but only if both are epic.

Facebook - hashtags don't work. Stop putting them there.

Vine - don't have one. But from what I can tell, see instagram advice above.

Oh and one more thing, just like my title, hashtags that are too long are obnoxious. Try using CamelCase. #ThenPeopleCanUnderstandWhatYouHashtagIsActuallySaying

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

valentine's day




Now that the Super Bowl is over, and the Niner's lost to a Murderer, it's time to look forward. It's February, and love is in the air. Or not. I don't really know. But I do know that it's almost Valentine's Day. 

Valentine's Day is a wildcard. The entire spectrum of emotions can come out on this day dedicated to love.  For some, they only celebrate if they are dating someone. For others, like Schmidt, it's the easier day of the year to hook up with someone. This can be painful for those recently broken up, or painful for those recently in a relationship and not sure if they want to celebrate the day of love, yet. Others avoid the topic completely, others have decided to take it upon themselves to make sure all those around them know they are single and "hate" V-day. Translation: they wish they were dating someone. 

Regardless of where you are in life, you are forced to at least be aware that this day exists and it's up to you how you choose to respond to it. 

I have a solution, let's do like we did in elementary school. 10 cent valentines cards for everyone! Why? Because everyone knows those cards come with a "fun size" candy bar, or some sweethearts candies (the white ones always tasted the best) with it. Bring them to class, and automatically, you have 30 new friends, and maybe even some new valentines. Don't forget your valentines box. If you don't bring your box, you won't get any valentines. duh.

So if you don't know how you want to respond to V-day this year, now you know. And don't quit if you don't have love this year. What if Michael Jordan quit when he didn't make the team? He woulda never made Space Jam. And I love Space Jam. Don't forget to check out my new Valentine's-day-related poll. 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

superstition


We all know that athletes prepare for hours, and days, and weeks and months for their games. Train at the highest level so that they can perform and win on gameday. However, any die hard fan also knows that none of that matters. It's all about the gameday traditions that us fans do that determine the outcome of every game.

As the superbowl approaches, I have had an entire season of traditions to ensure my Niners win games.

First tradition - 49ers sheets. These sheets can't be switched out for any others all season. If I sleep on other sheets? Niners lose games. I can't have that on my conscious. This guarantees a good rest the night before a game. For me and for the players. Gotta be well rested.

3 days before the game - Niners gear must be worn. Starts with a hat, and gets better as the week goes on.

2 Days before the game - Niners cap, red Niners shirt.

1 Day before the game - Niners cap, gold Niners shirt.

Gameday - Niners cap, red Niners shirt (see 3 days before the game), Niners jersey on top. Black Nike high-tops. (the high-tops tradition started this year, and not every game.)

Rumor has it, the Niners are undefeated when I wear these on gameday

This combination guarantees a victory. Last time I didn't do this? Niners got lit up by the Seahawks. I blame myself for the loss. I tweeted some of the team that I follow to apologize, and vowed to make sure the rest of the season didn't happen that way. Especially in the playoffs.

I would say that these superstitions were crazy, but like the commercial says, it's only crazy if it doesn't work. And this my friends, works.


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

the game

About a week ago, I was out with some friends in a social setting. The Thunder/Lakers game was on so I wasn't part of the conversation, which happened to be a conversation of gender generalities. (aka "girls always do this" or "guys are always like this") I'm as guilty as anyone about making inaccurate general statements about things, but being an outsider to the conversation made me laugh at how ridiculous we sound sometimes. At one point the conversation turned to games that we play. Not the awesome kind like uno, badminton, or capture the flag either. They were talking about relationship games. This slightly intrigued me so I began eavesdropping.

At one point, someone who was less than amused with the comments said "Can someone even define what these games are?" The dumbfounded group could barely come up with "It's just the stupid games that girls and guys play during a relationship."  So games are just the games that girls and guys play during a relationship. Gotcha.

I decided to shed some light on these "games" by asking around. What I found from personal experience as well as the intelligence of friends is: of course there is a game that must be played. As people, Americans especially, there is a huge breakdown in communication and one can't say everything they want to. (I try all the time, it doesn't work.) As a result, there is a huge game of guessing. And if you can keep the other guessing longer without pushing them away, you have the upper hand. If you have 'verbal throw up,' and tell them everything you are thinking all the time, you might freak them out and push them away. It's a fine line. If you don't cross it, you aren't playing 'games' but if you do? The other party is going to say you are a tease and just play 'games.'

Conclusion: We should just play uno more often and leave the games to the backstreet boys.


Monday, January 7, 2013

the real world = the matrix



We've all heard it. "When you get to the 'real world' ...(fill in the blank)" I just heard this yesterday in church. I got to thinking, when is the real world? My conclusion: it must be part of the matrix. 

When you are in middle school, you definitely aren't in the 'real world' because grades technically don't matter. Come 9th grade, you are in the real world and you need to worry about grades for college. So that could be the real world. Right?

Wrong. All thru high school you hear, "Once you're in the real world, you can't do that." So high school isn't the real world. Relationships aren't real. You can break up and get back together 80 times a year. Nothing matters other than preparing for what's next. College, Tech School, the Real World? Most high school-ers would say that after you graduate from high school, you are in the real world. Could this be? 4 years of preparation, fine-tuning your social skills to get ready for post-graduation life? 

Wrong. You get to college and you still haven't escaped the real world matrix. Granted, life does get more "real" but I have heard time and time again, that graduating and going into the "real world" is scary for most college seniors. But college has to be the real world right? I mean, in high school, if you get caught cheating, you get a slap on the wrist. In college, cheating will land you on the expelled list, and maybe even criminal charges. So that means you are in the real world. Right?

Wrong. According to my commencement speaker, we entered the real world upon graduation. But I'm back in a grad program. Does that mean I am in the "real world" now? Or since I'm back in school I'm not there. When I get my masters do I finally make it out of the real world matrix into the actual real world? I guess only time will tell. I wish Keanu Reeves or Samuel Jackson was here. I think they would be able to help. 

ring in the new year


This is a goal setting help sheet my dad has taught us for years. Normally I only post for comedy, but regarding a new year and making ourselves better, I think that this formula is too good to not share. May your 2013 be excellent and full of greatness! 

Things that help with successful goal setting:

1.      Make your goals attainable.
2.      Write your goals down.
3.      Break your goals into steps.
4.      Read your goals every day.
5.      Do something every day toward achieving your goals!

You may have heard of SMART goals, but theres a better formula called SMARTEST goals:

SpecificBe specific in what you want to achieve
MeasurableBe sure you can measure the successful achievement of your goals
Action-orientedAsk how you are going to reach your goal and create a list of steps
RealisticSet goals that are realistic, but also make you stretch
TimedAdd a start and a finish date for your overall goal with target dates for interim steps
EvaluateReview your progress regularly and recognize how far you have come
Seek the SpiritAsk the Lord for help in setting and achieving your goals
Think about your GoalsDont just write them down and forget them.  Begin with the end in mind

For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.  Proverbs 23:7

Enjoy the new year! I'll be back on track and posting again soon!