Wednesday, September 21, 2011

don't act like you're not impressed

It's the start of school. You are trying to impress the new "talent" before someone else swoops in. You need to dress to impress; and you've noticed that the loose, baggy style is out. But you have no idea what else to rock.

Skinny Jeans? Tight Jeans? Is there a difference? Does it matter? Today I'm here to clear up some things. There is a BIG difference between the 2. If you aren't careful you'll end up like this guy.

People have different body builds. Some people (and by some people I mean me) are tall and skinny. Can't seem to gain weight. Skinny jeans are the perfect remedy. Others are more filled out. If you are filled out, and aren't considered "skinny," odds are, skinny jeans won't be for you. You might end up looking like a clown car. Way too much junk stuffed into something way too small.

One thing is for sure, you never want to have your jeans skin tight. Guys weren't meant to have skin tight jeans. However, SKINNY jeans, aren't skin tight. They are just skinnier than a normal set of jeans. Made for skinny people. Here are some examples of when skinny jeans are ok:

Justin Bieber: 'Nuff Said
Justin Timberlake: Every girl wants to date him

Lil Wayne: Certified Gangsta

So there you have it. You can wear skinny jeans. Just don't wear em skin tight the whole way down. When in doubt, make sure its not tight on your calves, and rock some high tops. You can never go wrong with some sick supra high tops.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

alpha and omega

Sororities. Heard about em? Yeah, they are always in the cliche teen movies, like it's the cool thing to be in one. All the hottest girls will be your "sisters" and you will get the hottest guys. I'm assuming this must be true somewhere, maybe like Miami, or USC or something, but NOT Cedar City. If you live in Cedar City you probably only ever hear about the "greeks" during their rush week once a semester. After that, there is no way of knowing what they are up to. But you sure as heck can spot em from a mile away. Here's a few tips:

1- Most likely they will be wearing something too small for them showing off more than they should
2-If they are going to a "formal" event around campus chances are you will mistake them for a prostitute
3- Several of them will be together at once, will be obnoxiously loud, even at a concert...i know this is impossible, but if anyone were able to do it, an SUU sorority would be the ones.
4- Probably not that cute, more than likely they will be slightly overweight, but flaunt "it" as if they were Jennifer Aniston in "Just go with it."

Now I assume that these girls are worried that with moving to a new place they will be unable to make new friends and become valued members of the Cedar City community. So they resort they pay for friends (I think they call it 'paying dues') and then they are stuck for life. I used to think this was garbage, but the more I have interacted with them I have realized that these "special spirits" are definitely NOT our best and brightest. I think they are exactly where they should be. I'm glad somewhere can bring them in and maybe spit out a winner or two...

Monday, September 5, 2011

it's dark, and hell is hot

As promised, today I will let you know what my picture of hell is. Everyone has one, the things that they hate most in life, their worst experiences with smells, situations, fears, etc that would literally make their life hell if they lasted or occurred on a regular basis.

For me, my greatest fear is to be buried alive. Once while snowboarding in a blizzard, I didn't see a drop off coming and went face first into about 20 feet of powder. If you've ever been in powder you know that it's like quick sand, the more you struggle, the deeper you go. So as I'm trying to dig my way out; I start to panic and think I'm going to die. Obviously I didn't because I'm still here. That was the day my fear of being buried alive started, and no fear has superseded it since.

Next, if you know me, you know I don't like stinky anything. I have a weak gag reflex and stinky stuff will get me erratime.

Also, I feel very strongly that women sports (really just women's basketball) are awful and I can't stand to watch them. Don't get me wrong, I have the same thoughts as Dwight when it comes to the WNBA. There is room for all, I just don't consider it a real sport. More like an advanced game of keep away. Or a joke. But there are better Comedians out there, so why put myself thru that.

So if you are a math wiz I'm sure you've already realized that my picture of hell is the following:

I'm buried alive, with barely any room to move, while the most awful odor known to man is penetrating my nose constantly while I am watching re-runs of the WNBA. Improbable? Yes. But this is hell, anything can happen...

im sorry...

I have been less than diligent at posting as of late. I apologize to all 7 of you that actually look at my blog on a regular basis. (Especially Drew) No excuses, school has just been more fun than blogging as of late. But regardless, all this fun has given me some great blog ideas. On the horizon:

Hypocrisy, is it happening to you?

Skinny Jeans vs. Tight Jeans: Which one makes a man still able to be a man?

How to recognize the apocalypse is coming: ESPNW

Mother Nature's Track record is perfect

How to spot a sorority girl.

Today however, I will post again with my current topic, "My idea of hell".

Sorry again to my followers, I'm back on track