Tuesday, November 26, 2013

skipping thankgiving

"It's the most wonderful time, of the year..." can be hear playing November 1st at 12:01 am in your local Walmart. By the end of the first week in November, most stores have their Christmas merchandise out for sale. Some get started before Halloween. It's almost like we are skipping Thanksgiving all together.

Some people might say 'big deal, Thanksgiving is lame, and it's only one day of celebration anyway' which is technically correct. It's the one day a year that you get together with relatives you don't like and pretend to like them as long as you can tolerate. You might have a yearly tradition of getting in a shouting match with your siblings. But let it be known, Thanksgiving is the holiday most synonymous with family fueds. Maybe because everyone is hungry from starving themselves all day. Maybe because the men don't lift a finger and resign to the couch to watch the Dallas Cowboys lose to the Lions again. But I digress.

What if we just skipped Thanksgiving altogether to have more Christmas season? Think about it...more shopping deals, more time to listen to Mariah Carey, the only time of the year you probably ever listen to her (or Michael Buble.) Light's can be put up while it's still relatively warm outside and there won't be snow on the roof? Sounds pretty great right? Wrong.

We need thanksgiving, because if we stopped, doom would befall us. Think about it; does anyone have a best friend who is never grateful? Never takes time to say "thank you" to you? Nope, you don't. Those people spend their Friday nights trying to find something to do but end up at a bar by themselves. Extending the Christmas shopping would be financial ruin for some. Adding another 25ish days a year dedicated to Christmas shopping would impoverish everyone except Target, Old Navy, Best Buy and WalMart. Could you really stand listening to straight Christmas music for 2 whole months? Hearing every possible version of 'Jingle Bells' known to man and then some? I tried this last year. It sucks. Plus how weird would it be to go from dressing up like monsters and sluts, to singing about brotherhood and Christ. We need a transition period. We need a short Christmas season to keep is special. Cue, Thanksgiving.

But Thanksgiving is being forgotten. Overlooked. I think the only reason we are keeping it around is to maintain our gluttony for food. We're too fat to let go of our feast, even tho most don't even acknoledge gratitude prior to stuffing their faces. Here's a solution:

Let's make some traditions to lead up to Thanksgiving. Make it the "Thanksgiving Season." After everyone is over Halloween and all the #latergrams have gone up of your costumes, lets start dressing up. Have pilgrim and Indian parties. Get Justin Timberlake to sing a "Thanksgiving Album" featuring Jay-Z, Florida Georgia Line and other big names singing about gratitude (Miley Cyrus will be banned of course). October and November is pumpkin everything anyway, let's make a drink specific to the thanksgiving season. Thanksgiving-nog. Something to rival Eggnog. Charles Shultz already made a Thanksgiving movie, I'm sure we could talk Robert Downy Jr and Catherine Zeta-Jones into doing another Thanksgiving movie. Heck, for the right price, Will Ferrell would do a "prequel" to Elf!

Making a whole 'season' around Thanksgiving will make us more grateful, and make Christmas that much more special. The Christmas season will be so much more exciting. When Black Friday rolls around, we can forget what we're thankful for so we can go buy more shiz we don't need with money we don't have.

Happy Thanksgiving!

No comments:

Post a Comment