rules of dancing

There is it. You've been checking it out for a while now, BUT, you hesitate. You start asking yourself: "How do I get in there?" "Am I going to make a fool of myself?" "Where does it start and the outside world end?" We've all been there. You get to a party, and you're not sure when or how you should hit the dance floor. Being the expert that I am, I figured I could shed some light. (The expert comment was a joke. Geez, lighten up.) These aren't official rules. So take them for what they're worth.

Ok. When is the right time to hit the dance floor?

No sweat. If you have a big group with you, anytime is good. You will have enough back-up to not be too self-conscious. If you are with a couple people, or a small group, wait it out. You have all night to bust a move. Once people start hitting the dance floor and you feel like there are enough out there groovin' to make you feel like one of the crowd, jump on it.

There's enough people out there. Now how do I make it from here, leaning against the wall, looking fresh, to the dance floor?

Easy. This isn't double dutch. There usually is an intimidating space between the dancers and those trying to spit game. You don't have to dance your way over there. Just grab a friend and book it in there. The timing doesn't have to be right. If you are comfortable with yourself, you can go at it alone. If you don't care about others opinion, give everyone a little preview by whippin' out a couple sweet moves on your way over to the pack. *NOTE - this can be dangerous. If you try to get too fancy and you really don't know what you're doing, you might end up killing any chance you had at getting that guy/girls number.

Once I'm in the dance crowd, where should I go?

We've all seen that guy that just kinda hovers around the outside, making laps around and around the edge of the crowd. DON'T be that guy. Even if your group wants to make lap after lap, don't. If it comes down to that as your only option, abandon ship and get back to the wall where you can save your dignity. If you have the guts, the center of the floor is a good time. Make sure you wear shoes you don't mind getting scuffed and be on the lookout for a thrown elbow of that guy trying to do one of these. There isn't much room to move at the center but fighting for your life is really fun. If the center doesn't seem like your cup of tea, just find a good spot in the crowd where you can move around and have some fun.

Alright, now I've found where I want to be, what kind of dancing should I be doing?

This is the best part. Anything. If you are trying to impress, but aren't much of a dancer, go conservative. Go watch this, and it will give you an idea of conservative. You won't wow anyone, but you also won't ruin your shot with your crush either. If you have a little bit of game, have some fun with it. Start small and build up. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH SPACE to do you moves. If you start moving outside of your 3 foot bubble, make sure you know where you're at and who else is there. You don't want to end somebody's night by giving them an elbow to the face. And remember, you aren't MJ or Usher, so don't try too hard to impress with dance moves.

I see a bunch of people freak-dancing. Is that cool?

No. It's retarded. Anyone with class doesn't do it. If you are that horny and ready to go, just leave the party and take your partner with you. Then you can do what you want behind the privacy of closed doors and do the rest of us a favor by not grossing us out. Sure, you can get close to a girl while dancing, there can and will be some contact if you are both into each other. But posting up on each other like that just shows lack of creativity. Freak dancing went out of style the same time low-riding did. About 10 years ago.

OK. I'm ready to go. Any last suggestions?

Yes.
First, keep your clothes on. If you are starting to get into a dance frenzy, and you start thinking that taking your shirt off is a good idea; it's not. You are already sweating, no one wants to get bumped into by a super sweaty body not wearing a shirt. Unless it's a swimsuit themed party, stay clothed.
Second. If you wanna crowd surf, empty your pockets and have a trusted friend nearby. The last thing you want to do is get dropped on your head or have your phone fall out of your pocket and get trampled by the crowd. A trusted friend solves both.
Finally. Dance parties are fun. Even if you "don't dance" or aren't super confident, the right people can make the night a blast. If you don't think you'll have fun, odds are you won't. If you go in with the intent of finding fun, and maybe getting a few words in with your crush, it's gonna be a successful night.